humanity today,
adolescent types... life is just soo complicated, if u know what i mean. It's almost insane how much generations changed in the public acceptance of drugs, sex, and money. Sort of sad in a way that feminism as elders know it to be have not surivived its full life span to taint us with postitive knowledge nowadays. i think feminism have slowly decomposed itself over the years and is not as provocative and well recieved or even TRIED by the people today. i mean, just take a look at the life of a teenager at most schools, the popular hollywood fads in clothing and music... so much clevage, so much glory, sex, glamour... money...
SURE, it can be an expression of self and individuality.. in fact, it's an art. However, to be a devils advocate, dont u think at some point, society have reallie abused this kind of art? i mean, take it from a standpoint where guys are given the higher status if he sleeps with the most grls, the pimp, the all star. then take grls... the more guys she's been with, the more of a whore she is. why is it that guys are praised and grls are degraded? ... oorrr how bout grls using their bodily attributes, appearence, and/or sexual taunting manner to "get" the guy's attention? be "popular" with the guys and/or be an "innie" of the hip/cool. It's kinda sad how much inequility we have in the battle of the sexes.. and how much society nowadays have let the problem slip even further after having previous generations succeed in temporarily but prominately fighting this war.

and guys, dont get me wrong, i know there are plenty of instances where grls are given the advantage or what not... and i do know that the male species have their own battles to deal with.. but all throughout history women are always in the minority and are "suppressed" more or less than men.

and on another entirely different note:

It almost makes me sick how others that are more conservative in their visage, attire, morals, and values are being laughed at or discriminated against.

Just because we dress differently than the "poisoned hollywood fad"..(and i say poisoned because society has comformed to it).. doesn't mean it's a bad thing.. in fact, i think its a very good stand to not be "comformists"... perhaps comformity is a bad word to use.. but hope u get the drift...
we shouldn't have to be afraid of "not fitting in" because quite frankly.... we do. we shouldn't be judged by our appearence or what not... and maybe we just choose NOT to express ourselves in attire or our first impressionistic attitudes.

we barely know one another... so please, prejudice is so out of date. get with the program. >.<
Perhaps our morals and values differ.... but please dont "expect" us to change that because we do not agree with the majority of people.

and ya knoe.. i haven't changed much in the 4 yrs i've been in hs or the 17 yrs i lived so far... in fact, i'm very much the same old person except
i've learned a lot more... gained a lot more insight..

am wiser, tho not wise, am smarter, tho not smart... and am still continuing to grow. i am a totally new person but totally the same all in one. i'm not the shy little grl i was bak in middle school.. in fact, i'm pretty outspoken now compared to bak then... but i'll always be shy in a way.. and maybe it'll all change in due time. thanx, but i think i'll pass on demortalizing my morals and values at this point in life into something outrageously different,
maybe if i get influenced and convienced by enough i'll consider it...


wow. did u understand anything i just said.. because i sure... dont know what my point was after all that rambling.

but ya knoe... rambles do have their own sense within "nonsense"....

is anything ever "nonsense"?

i think not.

good day/night to all.

take care!

i often wonder who truely takes me seriously and who really take me as just a fool. and if u haven't noticed.. i say i love you a lot... and i mean a lot. they are 3 very powerful words... but not enough to truely express the amount of gratitude one feels... and yet it seems as if u say the phrase too often, it in turn loses a little bit more affection and purity every time its said from the same source. then again, if 'i love u' is rarely said, those u love won't be reminded of their uniqueness and how special they truely are to you...

bleeh.. i need to go.. toodles for now.. finish later. >.<

one thing is for sure. i despise myself way too much.. i dont understand y everything i do is not enough.. it's never enuff.. BUT i've tried my hardest... or maybe that's the problem.. i never try hard enough? blleeh


anyhoo.. done with snr paper! WHOOT!!!!!! :D i'm so relieved tho so tired.. this week is a serious whiplash... so many tests/quizzes/projects/papers.. wow. snr yr sucks.. to a certain extent. i personally think snr yr is worse than jnr yr. funnie isn't it? or maybe it'll just be the first half of snr yr that's miserable
yeahh.. that's it.

llooking forward to 2nd term tho not looking forward to the rest of first term. :(

i've been contemplating lately.. a lot.. about everything, past, present, future... and i've figured a few things out.. finally.. today:

i'm leaving the past behind me... and the present i will continue to travel.. i will forget tempting traps for foolish grls... i will forget my foolishness... i will forget false hopes... i will move on.. i will move on.

i'm going to make it into college.. and i might travel far.. i might leave here forever, to think i'll wander.

ironic. i got onto the bus today... and actually said to myself, all these ppl i've spent HS with.. i probably will never see them again reallie even if i stay in calfornia. just think, wat if i go to boston? wow. i'd be wayy out of the picture.. its a whole fresh new start. a fresh new start


leave my foolishness behind.