incoherent, incomplete thoughts. grey matter scramble. please disregard.

i've been contemplating a lot about what i really want to do in life and to what extent am i capable of reaching those goals. if i have any that is.. tapping into my potentials... whatever that may be or however much i may have
it's... i dont know... disheartening that i haven't trusted my ability to be ambitious and determined for so long i used to be sooo...... driven....
and ever since college, i've just let opportunity after opportunity escape. im going along with the flow.... keened on getting dibs in with the college life.. the college scene. and all this time, i've squandered time. precious time. but maybe this is a gift

med school.
john simmons.
thirst for knowledge
being around truth seekers
gift? square one. maybe its who we are.. phases? no.
maybe it's more simple then this. maybe i'll be content with just haivng someone i love around. maybe life is as simple as that. family.

but why question. why back to square one? why the resurface of these realms.

relentless self improvement

relentless seeker of change

human nature. innate ambition. selfishness. society. success. how do we define it? victories. what's next?

boredom? superiority among mammals and all lving things. but the most fragile in the open.

if u can't be the sword. be the dagger. the thorns. survivial of the fittest.

priceless

It just doesn't cut it.


The smell of your skin still lingers on mine.
The thought of you like staples to my brain.
My stomach twists at the sight of you
the air in which you ignore my presence.

the idea of you... weightless, desirable
yet impalpable.

In the perfect fairy tale,
you'd ask me to be yours
But we both know it isnt true.

I'm letting you go.

Hobo Spiders aka "Aggressive Spiders"

I found a bug bite on my left leg yesterday after waking up from a nap and it's itching like hell. It's no ordinary bite; and from the looks of it, the deed is from some sort of spider. Hours later, my daddy caught a spider in my room. I was curious if the spider he caught was the one that bit me.. so a-researching I did:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hobo_spider
http://www.montana.edu/wwwpb/home/spider2.html

I'm pretty sure that's the spider he caught and the very spider that bit me. It's poisonous alright. I had a major headache yesterday and I slept a lot today. Everytime I ate, I felt nauseated. The wound itself did blister a bit and started oozing. Gross. Now there's a tiny lesion. Sigh. I dont think i'll be going to the docs. It seems minor and i've had bites similar to this one in the past I think. Anyway, if I die, you'll know the truth. hahaha. sweet deal.

Good night, all!

insanity to retain the sanity

Sikstine (2:07:42 PM): wow

Auto Response from n0rmally strange (2:07:21 PM): today is a major 'BLAH' day. why?


because it just is.


and now to un-blah the blah day... i must arc. and arc... and shower. and REsearch my research.... among other things....


ya dig?

hah. hah. hahahahahahahaha.... hah. ha. hahhhhhh..... o_0


Sikstine (2:07:44 PM): you are like
Sikstine (2:07:46 PM): SO CRAZY
Sikstine (2:07:49 PM): it's unbelievable lol
n0rmally strange (2:12:15 PM): lol
n0rmally strange (2:12:18 PM): why am i crazy?
Sikstine (2:12:46 PM): your away message
Sikstine (2:12:49 PM): have you read it?
n0rmally strange (2:12:29 PM): lol
Sikstine (2:12:52 PM): it's crazy!
Sikstine (2:12:52 PM): lol
n0rmally strange (2:12:32 PM): yes.
n0rmally strange (2:12:45 PM): what part of it/
Sikstine (2:13:07 PM): you're crazy!
Sikstine (2:13:21 PM): it progressively gets more insan
Sikstine (2:13:22 PM): e
n0rmally strange (2:13:05 PM): HAHAHAHA
Sikstine (2:13:40 PM): I would copy and paste which parts
Sikstine (2:13:41 PM): but
Sikstine (2:13:43 PM): it's the whole thing
Sikstine (2:13:43 PM): lol
n0rmally strange (2:13:27 PM): precisely the tone i want it to be
Sikstine (2:13:58 PM): oh trust me
Sikstine (2:13:59 PM): I know the tone
n0rmally strange (2:13:45 PM): lol
Sikstine (2:14:12 PM): if you said this in real life, I could imagine the whole thing
n0rmally strange (2:13:54 PM): HAHAHAHAHAHA
Sikstine (2:14:25 PM): I wouldn't even have the decency to punch you
Sikstine (2:14:36 PM): I'd offer you a ride to the mental health hospital
Sikstine (2:14:47 PM): or my room, since I'm studying psychopathology now
n0rmally strange (2:15:49 PM): LOL
n0rmally strange (2:15:52 PM): why thank you

i dont know what im doing.