Autumn nostalgia.

Long day at work today.

Today's weather felt like autumn: partly cloudy with a slight breeze, not too cold; it was perfect.

Maybe it is because of my chemical imbalance due to what is about that time of the month or maybe it's because I still don't understand how it all happen so quickly from smooth sailing to abandon ship, but I found myself crying the moment I stepped outside after being cooped up in the lab today. It wasn't because I had a bad day, but I caught myself by surprised when I had an almost immediate, sudden flashback memory of what it was like to be with him when we first became an 'item' around this time of year. And once I started, the memories came back like a tsunami; I was happy and he never failed to make all my troubles go away with a simple hug or squeeze of my hand. I miss that. A lot. Funny that. And the only memories that came back today were good memories, which made the tears worse, even though we had our fair share of bad ones. I guess I really did love him at some point. And I guess I'm really not all that over it as much as I believed I was. The tears came and went; after a while, I had enough of feeling sorry for myself and forced myself to be reminded of all of the good things that come with being single again. lol. Funny what the weather can do to a person and how strongly emotions are wicked by our sensory perception.
Ugh, I hate this. I thought I was done and over with it. It felt like it just crept out of nowhere... like an ambush. I'm just wondering when the next unexpected moment is going to creep up on me again, ya know? Or when these unexpected moments will cease completely; I sure hope they do because the aftertaste is yucky. I feel like taking a hammer and beating the hell out of these ambushes so they can't come back again. Ever.

Too much sappiness. Time for bed. Good night. :)

Back to being groovy :D

what a wonderful day at work. :) smiles are contagious. maybe i really am the peppy one... it feels really great to be back!


on the other hand, i had a really bad desire to go fence today. :( too bad i'm in no shape to do so. :'(

*cheese* :)

Rust359 (11:27:29 PM): nite u!! miss ya too
Rust359 (11:27:51 PM): could never be another like u

*awwwww* quite possibly the sweetest thing anyone have said to me. :) :) <3 you!

Stages

There are five stages of grief... different for everyone but there are always five.

1. denial
2. anger
3. bargaining
4. depression
5. acceptance

Just when you think it's over, it comes right back to take your breath away.

Sometimes it hurts so bad, you cannot breathe. That's when you know you survived.

The little things that made me giggle today

At the end of lecture today, my clinical chemistry instructor said, "I hope we get to keep you, Amy. You're so cute." I especially chuckled when she said I was "peppy" and would be a "fun and wonderful person to work with." Lol, do you see the irony? Amy, peppy. Hmm... interesting mix. Anyway, she said I reminded her of her daughter (she's about 50 and has long white/grey hair) and that made me smile. :)

The fungal species name Malassezia furfur also makes me giggle. It can be isolated from the blood of infants taking lipid milk powered supplements; the addition of olive oil is a must need if you want to culture it in vitro.

Oh yes, reading a conversation i saved from ages ago which i had with Kevin Bauer when he was drunk, post-o-chem days ;D. tee hee hee.
And the dream I had yesterday about Kasey ballooning to a size like Manuel Uribe and becoming a recluse and outcast of society, but the fact that I still love him very much. lol.

... la dee da. so much to do in so little time. aim high. fly higher.

BLAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

why? why do i care?

why does it make me feel like crap? why do i feel so apathetic, then?

this is stupid.

good night.

people that make my heart swell :)

Hiking = amy :)

Hiking with good company = amy super :)

Akshay Dhupelia, you rock my socks.
Jackie Chan, you're a crazy kid.
and
Ernie Chu, you always make me feel like home.

:) Thanks for a lovely Saturday. Love you all!

The end.

: \

Today is _________. I don't really have anything to say. I don't know what I am. There are no words to explain how I feel. I'm empty for words. Perhaps the closest word that comes to mind is "disheartened." Or maybe just "empty."

Benny and Joon comes to save my day. I forget how wonderful that movie is. Oh, and the song in the movie by Joe Cocker-- Have a Little Faith In Me

When the road gets dark
And you can no longer see
Let my love throw a spark
Have a little faith in me

And when the tears you cry
Are all you can believe
Give these loving arms a try baby
Have a little faith in me

Have a little faith in me
Have a little faith in me
Have a little faith in me
Have a little faith in me

When your secret heart
Cannot speak so easily
From a whisper start
To have a little faith in me

And when your back's against the wall
Just turn around and you will see
I will catch your fall
Have a little faith in me

Have a little faith in me
Have a little faith in me
Have a little faith in me
Have a little faith in me

When the road gets dark
And you can no longer see
Let my love throw a spark
Have a little faith in me

Have a little faith in me
Have a little faith in me
Have a little faith in me
Have a little faith in me

I've been loving you for such a long time
Expecting nothing in return
Just for you to have a little faith in me
You know time, time is our friend
I will hold you up, I will hold you up
Your love gives me strength enough.

Sigh. Benny and Joon. Oh, and I suppose silence too:


"True friendship is sitting together in silence and feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had." -Ozge Dilsiz


I miss you, Daniel Kasey Estrada. And thank you. :\ :]

:[

i'm running out of steam... blarghhh.... where did it all go?

:[


on another note, i surprised myself today while watching an episode of grey's anatomy: although the human body and mind have a miraculous ability to heal, a crushed heart does not heal as quickly nor easily as i thought. foolishness.

hmmm... the end.



it's 9/11. there's so much to say, so much to ponder. but i have no energy. things will just have be left unsaid. for now.

waiting on the next best _________

i am tempted to

punch holes in my infallible memory.
to,
erase the evidence of your void,
your
ephemeral love facade.

i will waste no time of yours.
fear not.

the north winds will catch me,
breathe life into my sails...

away, hither, tither.



no where you are.

:) Feeling warm and fuzzy inside. :)

So I discovered this guy's amazing pipes a year or so ago on YouTube doing a cover on Coldplay-- Viva la vida. I didn't know he wrote til now! Anyway, thought this song is really adorable: Enjoy.

:) ciao

Still searching... searching... searching...

http://hearthofaphe0nix.blogspot.com/2004/06/mirage-too-good-to-be-true.html#links

http://hearthofaphe0nix.blogspot.com/2004_07_20_archive.html

http://hearthofaphe0nix.blogspot.com/2004/09/no-longer-hostage.html

http://hearthofaphe0nix.blogspot.com/2004/12/itching-for-leisure-for-time-for.html

http://hearthofaphe0nix.blogspot.com/2005/08/mirror-mirror-on-wall.html

http://hearthofaphe0nix.blogspot.com/2005_08_09_archive.html

searching for me