Many years have past since the debut of my apathy toward life. Extentialist, i am but a dweller in the flesh. Adverse in my own battling characters, i often wonder, should i ever have multipersonalities to a point where one can enlist me in a mental assylum, what personas I would have and how I would handle such. I am a walking contradiction of sorts. Because of my nature and thirst for change-- constant change-- i never aspire to settle. Because i cannot settle, i cannot establish. because i cannot establish, i cannot sustain a likeable relationship with another human being. how can i if i cannot commit to side with my internal battle of behaviors?
rambles shambles. i'm a wreck. noone knows it and noone frankly cares except me.
I tend to set myself up to burn bridges. I dont think i do this intentionally, but i often distant myself from society in fear that i will dissappoint and/or displease others. i dont know who i am or what i am set out to be. i cannot be content with myself, thusly i fear to entertain the responsibility to sustain a mutal relationship in respect, honor, gratitude, and dignity between friends and lovers. what i do have is trust and ever so ironically, i found trust in the few but record friendships i somehow manage to keep in the past years and coming.
These friendships worked out because I know that however i may change, our friendship will not. this is what i look for in a friendship. consistency. i crave it. i am forever in the debt of my true and closest of friends who have taught me to love, grow, and learn. I love thee, and i hope you know who you are.
forgive me. i am a horrible daughter. sister. friend. lover. person.
No comments:
Post a Comment