i feel like painting. oooOo.. on concrete! or wood. or sand paper. Oh, i just have this idea....
back to work.
i love acrylic.... which reminds me.... UNIVERSITY ARTS OVER SUMMER + TRUE LOVE CAFE AFTER.. sweeeettttt ;)
Sunday, June 06, 2004
Recent Books
I started to read The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath...
and only 10 pages into it, I'm already loving it.
Gah, what a beautiful book.
READ IT! :)
and only 10 pages into it, I'm already loving it.
Gah, what a beautiful book.
READ IT! :)
Comment bOx Enabled? WhA? \:.
Try "Too Many Things to Carry" ;)
So I finally figured out, also, how to enable "Comments" on this blog. How sweet. As if anyone ever reads and respond to them anyway. Bleh. TOODLES NOODLES.
Learning how to post pictures.. HAHA
Yay, I finally learned how to post pictures on my blog.. HAHA, can ya tell i'm bored since school's been out?! >.< Why else would I have figured it out? :) I MISS RHINANNON... AND MY ART PPL. I LOVEEEE UUUU!
Snr Ball.. the Moment we both said "The Hell with It"
Senior Ball. Myself and Annee!
I think this is my favorite picture thus far. Taken right after dinner when we both decided to toss all our baggages aside and just let loose and be carefree. :D I miss her... thanx for sticking with me that nite! *muAh* CCHHEESE~!
Remember
Thank you Trevor for teaching me to look again. I Thank you for reminding me to look at the sky. :) u have my sincere humbleness. The walk was beautiful.
Alica C. I will wish and pray for u.. hold on tight to the faith u have; u are an amazing person with unspeakable strength. May god(s) of all religions bear love for u.
Friends will find you when you are truely lost... I am forever grateful. I love my friends!
Have u seen the sky lately? Or the stars? :)
Alica C. I will wish and pray for u.. hold on tight to the faith u have; u are an amazing person with unspeakable strength. May god(s) of all religions bear love for u.
Friends will find you when you are truely lost... I am forever grateful. I love my friends!
Have u seen the sky lately? Or the stars? :)
Mirage too good to be true
It's 3 am Sunday morning; the lonely traffic plays softly in the backdrop while perpetuating pillars of a fan cut quickly through pickets of a barred cage creating an eerie sonnet in the most imaginable ways.
Others may take it as a rattle in the ears that make them wince, but one thing is for sure: the phantom of insomnia has encased me... masker of a dark cape and I wonder when this horror film will end. Perhaps it'll tail off like a feather, light as a rock. Yes, light as a rock I say.
i'm not making much sense, i know...but has or does anyone else.
High school is over and I am delighted to see that I have received my all so seemingly Xeroxed piece of parchment, limp as a fish, as my certificate of completion-- a perfect example of an all too ambitious civilization. I've always wondered why I did the things I did to get to where I am and the answer has come to me. I've wasted four years trying to be someone I am not.
Perhaps you may think I am only going through a transition phase... perhaps very much between phases or maybe I've lingered a bit too long for it to be considered redeemable. I'd like to think it as another renaissance of an archetype for, too great for the greatness to be resembled... too familiar for it to become popular. Can u tell me what the difference is between a football field and a hockey field besides the obvious specific uses and appearances of it? Does it really matter? No. Actually it doesn't. I?m not quite sure if anything is for that matter.
Odd thing is, everything has gone so swell since high school has been over. I mean.. hey I got the scholarship I was looking forward to, I graduated, my parents are allowing me to move out, I got a new cell phone for goodness sakes, and I feel so relaxed at the moment .. Freer than I've ever felt in the past four years
but I'm all too cautious to know that this feeling wont last. Interestingly enough, I will be taking summer courses at city with two of my darling friends: Philip and Seung. I am actually looking forward to doing so and I feel so determined to suit myself in battle arms and brave the cold chafes of imperfection and countless nights of college life. I'm almost convinced that I don't want a break but I do.. I really do.
I left high school on a mildly bitter note. Looking back through the looking glass, high school was merely a speck of this never ending cycle of civil life that I find disgustingly structured but am all too afraid to take the road less traveled by well breaded women/men nowadays.
High school wasn't all that made out to be. not like the dreamful youth and carelessness that everyone said will be the most memorable times of your life. I think its all just a joke and a figure of speech.. I mean scientifically speaking, when you do get older, all u seem to remember is the reasonably latter years previous of.
At any rate, HS was an experience and life of its own. I hated the cliche image of snooty teenage grls and guys that think only materialistic things matter. and yes I'm making an incredibly horrible mistake here to stereotype most entities of Sheldon High but I will. I'm sure we all have emotions and we all have sense deep within ourselves to realize image is only fraud but boy have I been around it long enough to say it poisons the mind like no other substance. The immaturity level of infatuation is highly annoying and I am glad I wont have to deal with it on a daily basis anymore.
Talking to my dear friend Marielle... I've come to realize a lot of things and because of Marielle, I see I am not ashamed to speak of it as a sin...
I realized that I won't be missing a lot of ppl from Sheldon... there are only but few people i will dearly miss and these I will keep in dear contact with for years to come. These few are my savors from insanity's gaping mouth and u know who u are because i'm always willing or buggin u about problems or interests I have/we have.. i thank you soo much for ur advice and counsel.. I am forever in ur debt. on the ohter hand..
Dont get me wrong, I will and already do miss seeing many faces that I've become acquaint with in the past years of middle school and hs... and I will miss what they've done for me or haven't done for me. I am grateful for every last spark of memory... good and bad... shared by those who I have crossed paths in my lifetime thus far.. whether it be a second or a milisecond, i am very honored to encounter those and things I have come in contact with. I've learned much aobut myself and much about the world because of them.
There's a large percentage of me that just want to wipe my slate clean and start a life ... a new life in college... no strings attached... and I may just do it with the exception of family and my dear friends.
gah, too early for me to be thinking too much.. i think my energy is running on empty ... i should continue my contemplation some other day. best of wishes and luck.
Others may take it as a rattle in the ears that make them wince, but one thing is for sure: the phantom of insomnia has encased me... masker of a dark cape and I wonder when this horror film will end. Perhaps it'll tail off like a feather, light as a rock. Yes, light as a rock I say.
i'm not making much sense, i know...but has or does anyone else.
High school is over and I am delighted to see that I have received my all so seemingly Xeroxed piece of parchment, limp as a fish, as my certificate of completion-- a perfect example of an all too ambitious civilization. I've always wondered why I did the things I did to get to where I am and the answer has come to me. I've wasted four years trying to be someone I am not.
Perhaps you may think I am only going through a transition phase... perhaps very much between phases or maybe I've lingered a bit too long for it to be considered redeemable. I'd like to think it as another renaissance of an archetype for, too great for the greatness to be resembled... too familiar for it to become popular. Can u tell me what the difference is between a football field and a hockey field besides the obvious specific uses and appearances of it? Does it really matter? No. Actually it doesn't. I?m not quite sure if anything is for that matter.
Odd thing is, everything has gone so swell since high school has been over. I mean.. hey I got the scholarship I was looking forward to, I graduated, my parents are allowing me to move out, I got a new cell phone for goodness sakes, and I feel so relaxed at the moment .. Freer than I've ever felt in the past four years
but I'm all too cautious to know that this feeling wont last. Interestingly enough, I will be taking summer courses at city with two of my darling friends: Philip and Seung. I am actually looking forward to doing so and I feel so determined to suit myself in battle arms and brave the cold chafes of imperfection and countless nights of college life. I'm almost convinced that I don't want a break but I do.. I really do.
I left high school on a mildly bitter note. Looking back through the looking glass, high school was merely a speck of this never ending cycle of civil life that I find disgustingly structured but am all too afraid to take the road less traveled by well breaded women/men nowadays.
High school wasn't all that made out to be. not like the dreamful youth and carelessness that everyone said will be the most memorable times of your life. I think its all just a joke and a figure of speech.. I mean scientifically speaking, when you do get older, all u seem to remember is the reasonably latter years previous of.
At any rate, HS was an experience and life of its own. I hated the cliche image of snooty teenage grls and guys that think only materialistic things matter. and yes I'm making an incredibly horrible mistake here to stereotype most entities of Sheldon High but I will. I'm sure we all have emotions and we all have sense deep within ourselves to realize image is only fraud but boy have I been around it long enough to say it poisons the mind like no other substance. The immaturity level of infatuation is highly annoying and I am glad I wont have to deal with it on a daily basis anymore.
Talking to my dear friend Marielle... I've come to realize a lot of things and because of Marielle, I see I am not ashamed to speak of it as a sin...
I realized that I won't be missing a lot of ppl from Sheldon... there are only but few people i will dearly miss and these I will keep in dear contact with for years to come. These few are my savors from insanity's gaping mouth and u know who u are because i'm always willing or buggin u about problems or interests I have/we have.. i thank you soo much for ur advice and counsel.. I am forever in ur debt. on the ohter hand..
Dont get me wrong, I will and already do miss seeing many faces that I've become acquaint with in the past years of middle school and hs... and I will miss what they've done for me or haven't done for me. I am grateful for every last spark of memory... good and bad... shared by those who I have crossed paths in my lifetime thus far.. whether it be a second or a milisecond, i am very honored to encounter those and things I have come in contact with. I've learned much aobut myself and much about the world because of them.
There's a large percentage of me that just want to wipe my slate clean and start a life ... a new life in college... no strings attached... and I may just do it with the exception of family and my dear friends.
gah, too early for me to be thinking too much.. i think my energy is running on empty ... i should continue my contemplation some other day. best of wishes and luck.
Saturday, June 05, 2004
GOOD OL' high school graduate CONVERSATION
GOOD OL' high school graduate CONVERSATION
kaY8686: good stuff
kaY8686: ur up quiet late today
kaY8686: i never see u on past 10
kaY8686: haha
MstikalStarGazin: lol
MstikalStarGazin: hahahahahahahaha
MstikalStarGazin: reallie?
kaY8686: ya
MstikalStarGazin: i suppose
kaY8686: unless.. im the one thats never on
MstikalStarGazin: that's because my sister always beats me to it or kicks me off so she can go
MstikalStarGazin: on
MstikalStarGazin: no, ur mostly always on
MstikalStarGazin: so how have u been/
MstikalStarGazin: since schools been OUT?!
MstikalStarGazin: lol
kaY8686: ya, i am
kaY8686: schools good
kaY8686: ronald reagan died
kaY8686: haha
MstikalStarGazin: yes, i knoe
MstikalStarGazin: and u laff?
kaY8686: not like im sad or anything
MstikalStarGazin: hahahahaha
MstikalStarGazin: yeah
MstikalStarGazin: i knoe
kaY8686: i didnt know the guy
MstikalStarGazin: lol
kaY8686: he lived a full life
MstikalStarGazin: yes he did
MstikalStarGazin: so what have u been doing?
kaY8686: ummm
kaY8686: nothing i guess
kaY8686: i didnt see u at sober grad or grad
kaY8686: o wait
kaY8686: i saw u at grad
kaY8686: not sober grad
MstikalStarGazin: lol. i didn't go to sober grad
kaY8686: awww
kaY8686: o well
kaY8686: it was too short
MstikalStarGazin: lol
kaY8686: man
kaY8686: its so hot
MstikalStarGazin: did u have fun at the least?
MstikalStarGazin: hahaha
kaY8686: ya, i did
MstikalStarGazin: always complaining
MstikalStarGazin: that's goood
kaY8686: is that how u think of me?
kaY8686: always complaining?
MstikalStarGazin: no no no
kaY8686: sure
MstikalStarGazin: in general.. the human species
MstikalStarGazin: yes
MstikalStarGazin: i'm sure
kaY8686: r u making fun of me?
MstikalStarGazin: no
MstikalStarGazin: i'm making fun of everyone
kaY8686: r u angry?
MstikalStarGazin: :-)
MstikalStarGazin: what?
MstikalStarGazin: maybe
kaY8686: hahaha
MstikalStarGazin: i'm angry aht the world
MstikalStarGazin: lol
MstikalStarGazin: hahaha
kaY8686: don't u miss hs?
MstikalStarGazin: HEK NO
MstikalStarGazin: OMG
kaY8686: i miss the people
kaY8686: not the place
kaY8686: i miss u, and everyone else
MstikalStarGazin: dont ask me that question because it'll always be a n. o.
kaY8686: hahaha
MstikalStarGazin: lol
MstikalStarGazin: i miss u too
MstikalStarGazin: and everyone else
MstikalStarGazin: well...actually
MstikalStarGazin: i reallie dont miss a lot of ppl
kaY8686: im gonna miss ur happy face at the lunch table
MstikalStarGazin: only certain ppl
MstikalStarGazin: lol
kaY8686: your "happy"
kaY8686: face
MstikalStarGazin: o goodness sung
kaY8686: hahaha
MstikalStarGazin: EEWW
MstikalStarGazin: HAHAHA
MstikalStarGazin: i'm not happy
MstikalStarGazin: i'm morb id
kaY8686: cuz u smile
kaY8686: but
MstikalStarGazin: hahaha
kaY8686: i know u wanna decapitate someone
MstikalStarGazin: HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA
MstikalStarGazin: YAH
kaY8686: probably me
kaY8686: but thats ok
kaY8686: i have it coming
MstikalStarGazin: lol
kaY8686: damn
kaY8686: i gotta talk to smoeone thats going to sacstate
kaY8686: do u know anyone else thats going there?
MstikalStarGazin: uMmmm.. lol
MstikalStarGazin: my brother?
MstikalStarGazin: my sister/
MstikalStarGazin: hahaha
MstikalStarGazin: no, i dont reallie know
MstikalStarGazin: jennifer parsons
kaY8686: omg
kaY8686: why would u get my hopes up
kaY8686: i just need to know when to sign up for classes
MstikalStarGazin: jonna is going there too i think
kaY8686: i think shes crc
MstikalStarGazin: ooo
MstikalStarGazin: oooOOh yeah
MstikalStarGazin: yeah
kaY8686: ....
kaY8686: stankin' uc people
MstikalStarGazin: most of student gov are going to sac state
kaY8686: hahahaha
kaY8686: yay for our school leadership
kaY8686: lol
kaY8686: hahahahaha
kaY8686: why is it that that makes me happy
MstikalStarGazin: HAHAHAHAHAHA
MstikalStarGazin: LMAO
kaY8686: what?
kaY8686: it does
kaY8686: gj people that tried in school
kaY8686: hahahah
MstikalStarGazin: hahaha
kaY8686: i graduated with 150+ truants
MstikalStarGazin: HAHAHA
kaY8686: over all
kaY8686: and im going to the same college as them
kaY8686: hahahahahahahaahah
MstikalStarGazin: lol
MstikalStarGazin: o sung
MstikalStarGazin: we're all finished with HS
kaY8686: omg
kaY8686: u wanna here about this stupid dream
kaY8686: that made me mad?
kaY8686: this was a few days ago
kaY8686: i was sleeping
kaY8686: of course
kaY8686: and the dream was
kaY8686: that i had this huge project due for school
kaY8686: and that i didn't start yet
kaY8686: yes, for hs
MstikalStarGazin: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
kaY8686: and when i woke up, i thought i still needed to do it
kaY8686: or i wouldnt graduate
kaY8686: cuz all of my grades were borderline
MstikalStarGazin: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
kaY8686: and so for a few seconds
kaY8686: i was panicing
MstikalStarGazin: i need to put this in my blog
MstikalStarGazin: u mind?
kaY8686: go ahead
MstikalStarGazin: lol thanx
kaY8686: and then i remmebered
kaY8686: so, i wasl ike
kaY8686: wtf.. stupid dream
kaY8686: and went back to sleep
kaY8686: but ya, it made me stress about a school i dont even go to
kaY8686: it was that... "i gotta do my hw" kind of stress
kaY8686: too
kaY8686: and that made me hella mad
kaY8686: cuz i had to feel that crap during summer
OH THE JOYS OF HS... YAY! we're donnneeeeee ;)
kaY8686: good stuff
kaY8686: ur up quiet late today
kaY8686: i never see u on past 10
kaY8686: haha
MstikalStarGazin: lol
MstikalStarGazin: hahahahahahahaha
MstikalStarGazin: reallie?
kaY8686: ya
MstikalStarGazin: i suppose
kaY8686: unless.. im the one thats never on
MstikalStarGazin: that's because my sister always beats me to it or kicks me off so she can go
MstikalStarGazin: on
MstikalStarGazin: no, ur mostly always on
MstikalStarGazin: so how have u been/
MstikalStarGazin: since schools been OUT?!
MstikalStarGazin: lol
kaY8686: ya, i am
kaY8686: schools good
kaY8686: ronald reagan died
kaY8686: haha
MstikalStarGazin: yes, i knoe
MstikalStarGazin: and u laff?
kaY8686: not like im sad or anything
MstikalStarGazin: hahahahaha
MstikalStarGazin: yeah
MstikalStarGazin: i knoe
kaY8686: i didnt know the guy
MstikalStarGazin: lol
kaY8686: he lived a full life
MstikalStarGazin: yes he did
MstikalStarGazin: so what have u been doing?
kaY8686: ummm
kaY8686: nothing i guess
kaY8686: i didnt see u at sober grad or grad
kaY8686: o wait
kaY8686: i saw u at grad
kaY8686: not sober grad
MstikalStarGazin: lol. i didn't go to sober grad
kaY8686: awww
kaY8686: o well
kaY8686: it was too short
MstikalStarGazin: lol
kaY8686: man
kaY8686: its so hot
MstikalStarGazin: did u have fun at the least?
MstikalStarGazin: hahaha
kaY8686: ya, i did
MstikalStarGazin: always complaining
MstikalStarGazin: that's goood
kaY8686: is that how u think of me?
kaY8686: always complaining?
MstikalStarGazin: no no no
kaY8686: sure
MstikalStarGazin: in general.. the human species
MstikalStarGazin: yes
MstikalStarGazin: i'm sure
kaY8686: r u making fun of me?
MstikalStarGazin: no
MstikalStarGazin: i'm making fun of everyone
kaY8686: r u angry?
MstikalStarGazin: :-)
MstikalStarGazin: what?
MstikalStarGazin: maybe
kaY8686: hahaha
MstikalStarGazin: i'm angry aht the world
MstikalStarGazin: lol
MstikalStarGazin: hahaha
kaY8686: don't u miss hs?
MstikalStarGazin: HEK NO
MstikalStarGazin: OMG
kaY8686: i miss the people
kaY8686: not the place
kaY8686: i miss u, and everyone else
MstikalStarGazin: dont ask me that question because it'll always be a n. o.
kaY8686: hahaha
MstikalStarGazin: lol
MstikalStarGazin: i miss u too
MstikalStarGazin: and everyone else
MstikalStarGazin: well...actually
MstikalStarGazin: i reallie dont miss a lot of ppl
kaY8686: im gonna miss ur happy face at the lunch table
MstikalStarGazin: only certain ppl
MstikalStarGazin: lol
kaY8686: your "happy"
kaY8686: face
MstikalStarGazin: o goodness sung
kaY8686: hahaha
MstikalStarGazin: EEWW
MstikalStarGazin: HAHAHA
MstikalStarGazin: i'm not happy
MstikalStarGazin: i'm morb id
kaY8686: cuz u smile
kaY8686: but
MstikalStarGazin: hahaha
kaY8686: i know u wanna decapitate someone
MstikalStarGazin: HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA
MstikalStarGazin: YAH
kaY8686: probably me
kaY8686: but thats ok
kaY8686: i have it coming
MstikalStarGazin: lol
kaY8686: damn
kaY8686: i gotta talk to smoeone thats going to sacstate
kaY8686: do u know anyone else thats going there?
MstikalStarGazin: uMmmm.. lol
MstikalStarGazin: my brother?
MstikalStarGazin: my sister/
MstikalStarGazin: hahaha
MstikalStarGazin: no, i dont reallie know
MstikalStarGazin: jennifer parsons
kaY8686: omg
kaY8686: why would u get my hopes up
kaY8686: i just need to know when to sign up for classes
MstikalStarGazin: jonna is going there too i think
kaY8686: i think shes crc
MstikalStarGazin: ooo
MstikalStarGazin: oooOOh yeah
MstikalStarGazin: yeah
kaY8686: ....
kaY8686: stankin' uc people
MstikalStarGazin: most of student gov are going to sac state
kaY8686: hahahaha
kaY8686: yay for our school leadership
kaY8686: lol
kaY8686: hahahahaha
kaY8686: why is it that that makes me happy
MstikalStarGazin: HAHAHAHAHAHA
MstikalStarGazin: LMAO
kaY8686: what?
kaY8686: it does
kaY8686: gj people that tried in school
kaY8686: hahahah
MstikalStarGazin: hahaha
kaY8686: i graduated with 150+ truants
MstikalStarGazin: HAHAHA
kaY8686: over all
kaY8686: and im going to the same college as them
kaY8686: hahahahahahahaahah
MstikalStarGazin: lol
MstikalStarGazin: o sung
MstikalStarGazin: we're all finished with HS
kaY8686: omg
kaY8686: u wanna here about this stupid dream
kaY8686: that made me mad?
kaY8686: this was a few days ago
kaY8686: i was sleeping
kaY8686: of course
kaY8686: and the dream was
kaY8686: that i had this huge project due for school
kaY8686: and that i didn't start yet
kaY8686: yes, for hs
MstikalStarGazin: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
kaY8686: and when i woke up, i thought i still needed to do it
kaY8686: or i wouldnt graduate
kaY8686: cuz all of my grades were borderline
MstikalStarGazin: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
kaY8686: and so for a few seconds
kaY8686: i was panicing
MstikalStarGazin: i need to put this in my blog
MstikalStarGazin: u mind?
kaY8686: go ahead
MstikalStarGazin: lol thanx
kaY8686: and then i remmebered
kaY8686: so, i wasl ike
kaY8686: wtf.. stupid dream
kaY8686: and went back to sleep
kaY8686: but ya, it made me stress about a school i dont even go to
kaY8686: it was that... "i gotta do my hw" kind of stress
kaY8686: too
kaY8686: and that made me hella mad
kaY8686: cuz i had to feel that crap during summer
OH THE JOYS OF HS... YAY! we're donnneeeeee ;)
Monday, May 31, 2004
The "Leaving" Conversation with Marielle
So graduation day is gradually seeping in and the dawning skies of tomorrow will come in due time, however, much has been lost, much has been gained.. but more importantly, much has been learned.
Today is a good day and thanx to Marielle, a dear friend I deem as one of the many miracles and gifts from the unknown, I realize how much has gone by without me knowing. Sitting there laughing, joking, and talking was just what I needed at this point in my life and I thank her for being there at the right moment at the right time. There are so many things I can forget... can CHOOSE to forget and I concur.
Today is a good day and thanx to Marielle, a dear friend I deem as one of the many miracles and gifts from the unknown, I realize how much has gone by without me knowing. Sitting there laughing, joking, and talking was just what I needed at this point in my life and I thank her for being there at the right moment at the right time. There are so many things I can forget... can CHOOSE to forget and I concur.
Color Quiz
#E0FFFF |
Your dominant hues are green and blue. You're smart and you know it, and want to use your power to help people and relate to others. Even though you tend to battle with yourself, you solve other people's conflicts well. Your saturation level is very low - you have better things to do than jump headfirst into every little project. You make sure your actions are going to really accomplish something before you start because you hate wasting energy making everyone else think you're working. Your outlook on life is very bright. You are sunny and optimistic about life and others find it very encouraging, but remember to tone it down if you sense irritation. |
eH, the truth varies.
Saturday, May 22, 2004
snr boards HA. WADDA JOKE >.<
snr boards, let me just tell you how much i failed that STUPID, USELESS, AND meticulous piece of crap…
so the night before (since I went Friday) was a minimum day. technically I had the whole day to plan my speech and practice. to my dismay, I spent whole Thursday night doing a DAMN research paper for my crc English 1a class (due Sat) because my paper got trashed along with all my other files that was on my computer (ARGH viruses :P)!!!
…I had plans to go home early to allow myself at least 15 minutes to write my speech for snr boards… as it turns out, I waited at crc til 10 friggen 30 and NO INSTRUCTOR..
WT FRIGGEN A---
so I waited for nothing… and went home.. was too friggen tired to write my speech so I screwed myself over by waking up late.. getting to school without a speech and more importantly, without my props for my visual aid. WAT THE FREAK?
I was driving without a license because I left my wallet on my desk rushing to start my long weary drive to school. anyway.. so I called my brother to drop off the stuff at the office for me during lunch and it was PURE LUCK that he picked up his cell and was finished with his final. >.<
anyhoo.. so 3rd period came… and then 4th… and wt freak… I signed up to be the first one to go.. and I did… OMG.. can I just say that the judges were probably thinking “WAT IS THE F’IN PROBLEM WITH THIS GRL? sHnapoly crap she’s just friggen rambling on and on without direction.. she didn’t even use her props. what was she thinking?!?!?!"
yeah.. 7:25. what the SLACKER? since I only needed 30pts from 100 to keep my a in English… I allowed myself to only go for so much and allotted myself the minimum. what the low standards for amy chi. >.< GAH. o well. haha.. that was awesome tho.. I hekka just stopped in the middle of my speech wen I could have gone on for longer to finish and said… “I’m done” WITH A BIG CHEEZY SMILE like I didn’t give a f* and walked off without eye contact afterward.. HAHAHAHAH… SOOO RIDCULOUSLY FUNNIE! ALL THAT ATTITUDE TOO. omg... in front of my teachers toooooo!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHHAAHA
i enjoyed the look on mr. howard's face. 0_0 complete SHOCK. hahahahahaha... but of course ms. smith laffed at me afterward because she knew i was gonna pull it on her. she's awesome. :)
SNR BOARDS SUCK BUT ITS ALL OVER AND DONE WITH.. I STILL HAVE AN A AND I DIDN'T DO CRAP PRESENTING .... HOW
SWEEEETTTT ;)
--gotta admit tho.. snr project itself was pretty fun. cpr and first aid.. haha wat the nerd >.<
so the night before (since I went Friday) was a minimum day. technically I had the whole day to plan my speech and practice. to my dismay, I spent whole Thursday night doing a DAMN research paper for my crc English 1a class (due Sat) because my paper got trashed along with all my other files that was on my computer (ARGH viruses :P)!!!
…I had plans to go home early to allow myself at least 15 minutes to write my speech for snr boards… as it turns out, I waited at crc til 10 friggen 30 and NO INSTRUCTOR..
WT FRIGGEN A---
so I waited for nothing… and went home.. was too friggen tired to write my speech so I screwed myself over by waking up late.. getting to school without a speech and more importantly, without my props for my visual aid. WAT THE FREAK?
I was driving without a license because I left my wallet on my desk rushing to start my long weary drive to school. anyway.. so I called my brother to drop off the stuff at the office for me during lunch and it was PURE LUCK that he picked up his cell and was finished with his final. >.<
anyhoo.. so 3rd period came… and then 4th… and wt freak… I signed up to be the first one to go.. and I did… OMG.. can I just say that the judges were probably thinking “WAT IS THE F’IN PROBLEM WITH THIS GRL? sHnapoly crap she’s just friggen rambling on and on without direction.. she didn’t even use her props. what was she thinking?!?!?!"
yeah.. 7:25. what the SLACKER? since I only needed 30pts from 100 to keep my a in English… I allowed myself to only go for so much and allotted myself the minimum. what the low standards for amy chi. >.< GAH. o well. haha.. that was awesome tho.. I hekka just stopped in the middle of my speech wen I could have gone on for longer to finish and said… “I’m done” WITH A BIG CHEEZY SMILE like I didn’t give a f* and walked off without eye contact afterward.. HAHAHAHAH… SOOO RIDCULOUSLY FUNNIE! ALL THAT ATTITUDE TOO. omg... in front of my teachers toooooo!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHHAAHA
i enjoyed the look on mr. howard's face. 0_0 complete SHOCK. hahahahahaha... but of course ms. smith laffed at me afterward because she knew i was gonna pull it on her. she's awesome. :)
SNR BOARDS SUCK BUT ITS ALL OVER AND DONE WITH.. I STILL HAVE AN A AND I DIDN'T DO CRAP PRESENTING .... HOW
SWEEEETTTT ;)
--gotta admit tho.. snr project itself was pretty fun. cpr and first aid.. haha wat the nerd >.<
Wednesday, May 19, 2004
snr ball
I forgot to mention snr ball. Just to recap:
So the subject a exam was crap... and i got home.. went last minute shoe shopping... and got to annie's house where she did my make up and hair. omg my hair took forever. it was so funnie bc once we did our hair and makeup, we up on our dresses and both of us just stood there in front of the mirror and let out wales and whimpers.. hahaha. we both thought we looked horrible and didn't want to go. then we got over it, so it wasn't too bad. she looked awesome tho. really. and thanx rhi for everything. u're awsome babe ;) annie was soo adorable in her self made prom dress despite what she says~!! she's hot, she's glamour, she's everything she says she isn't. :*
when we got to the convention center, we felt so outta place like two punktresses in a glamourous and sophisticated ball. haha... the night started out horrible... we were alone and annie was blue because she didn't have a real date... anyhoo.. we cheered her up and JEN shows up! yAy! lol. the three of us sat all lonesome at a vacant dinner table to wait for the rest to come.
we waited
and
waited
and waited...
30 minutes pass
....
1 hr passed
another 30 minutes
and finally they show... we said our hellos and most parted us while a few sat at our now 1/2 empty table... the night began as things started to look brighter and annie and i didn't let the little things or ppl get to us. After dinner, i saw MARIELLE! LOL. and of course the LAN-Es! and the CaLLaOs, ChisTine and Miguel... everyone looked fabulous and it was great to finally see some friendly faces... everyone's spirits lifted and annie and i decided to let loose. We danced our first slow dance together and it was hilarious.. so thank you sweetie! I got snagged here and there but all was well. Dancing was fun and for the first time in a very long time, i didn't give a care what i did or how others would see me... senior ball was a blast because I felt that there were no more strings attached and the freedom from psychological tethers were granted... do u know how good that feels? bc i did. :)
anyway, snr ball ended and ANNIE STAYED the whole nite! whoot!! lol. and I'm glad she did because she was soo amazing and she said she had a great time and glad she stayed at the ball til the end tooo. She didn't leave early like she wanted to in the beginning and stuck it out.
Annie brought me to True Love Cafe on J St.. and so i was no longer a True Love Virgin. lol. That place is soo AWESOME.. i mean, what a great cafe atmosphere... the lighting, the romance, the most intriguing ppl u'll find ... it's like a tiny cottage.
I gotta go back there sometime during the summer with my sketchbook.. i can spend days there and not be sick of it.. it's THAT awesome! :)
yeah.. that was snr ball.
BLLLAAAHHHHH
So the subject a exam was crap... and i got home.. went last minute shoe shopping... and got to annie's house where she did my make up and hair. omg my hair took forever. it was so funnie bc once we did our hair and makeup, we up on our dresses and both of us just stood there in front of the mirror and let out wales and whimpers.. hahaha. we both thought we looked horrible and didn't want to go. then we got over it, so it wasn't too bad. she looked awesome tho. really. and thanx rhi for everything. u're awsome babe ;) annie was soo adorable in her self made prom dress despite what she says~!! she's hot, she's glamour, she's everything she says she isn't. :*
when we got to the convention center, we felt so outta place like two punktresses in a glamourous and sophisticated ball. haha... the night started out horrible... we were alone and annie was blue because she didn't have a real date... anyhoo.. we cheered her up and JEN shows up! yAy! lol. the three of us sat all lonesome at a vacant dinner table to wait for the rest to come.
we waited
and
waited
and waited...
30 minutes pass
....
1 hr passed
another 30 minutes
and finally they show... we said our hellos and most parted us while a few sat at our now 1/2 empty table... the night began as things started to look brighter and annie and i didn't let the little things or ppl get to us. After dinner, i saw MARIELLE! LOL. and of course the LAN-Es! and the CaLLaOs, ChisTine and Miguel... everyone looked fabulous and it was great to finally see some friendly faces... everyone's spirits lifted and annie and i decided to let loose. We danced our first slow dance together and it was hilarious.. so thank you sweetie! I got snagged here and there but all was well. Dancing was fun and for the first time in a very long time, i didn't give a care what i did or how others would see me... senior ball was a blast because I felt that there were no more strings attached and the freedom from psychological tethers were granted... do u know how good that feels? bc i did. :)
anyway, snr ball ended and ANNIE STAYED the whole nite! whoot!! lol. and I'm glad she did because she was soo amazing and she said she had a great time and glad she stayed at the ball til the end tooo. She didn't leave early like she wanted to in the beginning and stuck it out.
Annie brought me to True Love Cafe on J St.. and so i was no longer a True Love Virgin. lol. That place is soo AWESOME.. i mean, what a great cafe atmosphere... the lighting, the romance, the most intriguing ppl u'll find ... it's like a tiny cottage.
I gotta go back there sometime during the summer with my sketchbook.. i can spend days there and not be sick of it.. it's THAT awesome! :)
yeah.. that was snr ball.
BLLLAAAHHHHH
Sunday, May 16, 2004
Same Sex Mirrages
Be enacted by the whole of United States of America that same sex marriage should be allowed in all states of the nation. Neither one person nor group can define love, and yet it is under the constitution that marriage is defined as bondage between a man and a woman—I do not agree.
Marriage is simply a bond and recognition of love between two persons whether they are of male and female or that of the same sex. It is immorally just to pilfer an emotion as pure and innocent as love from someone. In addition, it is a crime against nature to see to it those in love cannot share such a sacred and harmonious celebration under oath and be respected as married couples among other entities of this state.
Indeed, marriage recognition can simply be gifted sentimentally and not documentarily, however those with sentimental marriages can loose out on the privileges given to those with documented marriages. The United States has always been an advocate for the eradication of discriminatory acts and yet gay couples have endured countless discrimination against them for over the past years of American history. Because same sex couples cannot be legally recognized as married couples by the government, they are not entitled to living wills, advance directives, or any shares that married couples of opposing sexes are entitled to when disaster strikes. The United States of America should ensure full enact privileges to everyone, including same sex couples, for all men and women are created equally—I applaud the four Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court Judges for making the right decision to recognized same sex marriages in the roots of equality and justice.
Moreover, I am ashamed of those of religious decent who are so willingly and vehemently opposed to same sex marriage. Indeed, it may be that others are practicing an act considered immoral against one’s religion, but it serves no right to abandon and forcefully imprint these beliefs among those that do not follow one’s religion.
The United States of America is edified upon virtual freedoms and liberties, one of which is the freedom of religion. If the United States of America does not recognize same sex marriage because of the understated religious beliefs then is it not a violation of the fundamental morals and values this nation was founded on? And if it is so that the opposing views upon gay marriages are not induced because of religious beliefs, then what is it that is bothersome to those opposing gay marriages?
Perhaps one should consider the 50% divorce rate in this country verses some same sex relationships that have been kept steady for thirty some years and beyond. Why is humanity today so ignorantly blind?
This is not an issue of religion, nor is it an issue of power. It is simply an issue of fundamental rights and values a person has—the equality of humans to be loved and respected.
Marriages should be recognized as a bondage of love between two persons. Love is a wondrous thing and we have no right to bar a feeling as eccentric and good as love. Ban intolerance for gay marriages and support full and equal rights of all citizens to marriages of all kinds!
Marriage is simply a bond and recognition of love between two persons whether they are of male and female or that of the same sex. It is immorally just to pilfer an emotion as pure and innocent as love from someone. In addition, it is a crime against nature to see to it those in love cannot share such a sacred and harmonious celebration under oath and be respected as married couples among other entities of this state.
Indeed, marriage recognition can simply be gifted sentimentally and not documentarily, however those with sentimental marriages can loose out on the privileges given to those with documented marriages. The United States has always been an advocate for the eradication of discriminatory acts and yet gay couples have endured countless discrimination against them for over the past years of American history. Because same sex couples cannot be legally recognized as married couples by the government, they are not entitled to living wills, advance directives, or any shares that married couples of opposing sexes are entitled to when disaster strikes. The United States of America should ensure full enact privileges to everyone, including same sex couples, for all men and women are created equally—I applaud the four Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court Judges for making the right decision to recognized same sex marriages in the roots of equality and justice.
Moreover, I am ashamed of those of religious decent who are so willingly and vehemently opposed to same sex marriage. Indeed, it may be that others are practicing an act considered immoral against one’s religion, but it serves no right to abandon and forcefully imprint these beliefs among those that do not follow one’s religion.
The United States of America is edified upon virtual freedoms and liberties, one of which is the freedom of religion. If the United States of America does not recognize same sex marriage because of the understated religious beliefs then is it not a violation of the fundamental morals and values this nation was founded on? And if it is so that the opposing views upon gay marriages are not induced because of religious beliefs, then what is it that is bothersome to those opposing gay marriages?
Perhaps one should consider the 50% divorce rate in this country verses some same sex relationships that have been kept steady for thirty some years and beyond. Why is humanity today so ignorantly blind?
This is not an issue of religion, nor is it an issue of power. It is simply an issue of fundamental rights and values a person has—the equality of humans to be loved and respected.
Marriages should be recognized as a bondage of love between two persons. Love is a wondrous thing and we have no right to bar a feeling as eccentric and good as love. Ban intolerance for gay marriages and support full and equal rights of all citizens to marriages of all kinds!
Tuesday, April 20, 2004
stranger to the world
its the first day of STAR testing and whoo hoo, snr activities. THANK GOODNESS we were saved by AP testing info. all in all.. the assembly for ROCK THE VOTE was frankly lame. so after we filled out our bubble sheet for ap tests, i left to wander once again. grabbed some lunch for mickey d's in which i haven't had for a LONNNGG time and once again found myself at countryside park... on the swings, with a book and a sketch pad. although i couldn't concentrate on reading, it was nice .. i swung. ;)
then i met these two adorable little grls... ages 1 and 3 with their auntie. being the stranger i am, i helped them take some pictures and oddly, babysat a while.. haha. and i was a TOTAL stranger! :)
anyhoo.. then i left them alone and wandered the park a bit... no one was there except a few guys on the courts, shooting hoops... tall, big, admirable for their wit and athleticism. Then i befriended another stranger... he was much older than me.. maybe about 30? 40? ... i didnt' get his name but he was very sincere to ask me how i was and such things.
the sky grew dark but i still persist to stay and i did... and while sitting or being ther ethe whole time at countryside, I noticed a shadow on the far side of the park... away from me. much like me, he looked as if he was in highschool... mexican maybe? packpack, book, and a sketchbook with headphones, he sat. curiosity of one another intrigued us as we looked at each other in the far distance... and a sudden welcomeness and filfillment overrid me and i would assume so for him too. we both smiled at each other and waved... both understanding what was needed to be done.. what we both felt like...
and in that moment, i felt i belonged as a stranger to the world.. as he does too. without a single word of exchange, we both knew wat the other was feeling and thinking.. and we respected that silence as we continued our day at the park. i hope i'll see him again. or someone like him when i return to the park in latter days i have left in sacramento.
it was a beautiful moment.
then i met these two adorable little grls... ages 1 and 3 with their auntie. being the stranger i am, i helped them take some pictures and oddly, babysat a while.. haha. and i was a TOTAL stranger! :)
anyhoo.. then i left them alone and wandered the park a bit... no one was there except a few guys on the courts, shooting hoops... tall, big, admirable for their wit and athleticism. Then i befriended another stranger... he was much older than me.. maybe about 30? 40? ... i didnt' get his name but he was very sincere to ask me how i was and such things.
the sky grew dark but i still persist to stay and i did... and while sitting or being ther ethe whole time at countryside, I noticed a shadow on the far side of the park... away from me. much like me, he looked as if he was in highschool... mexican maybe? packpack, book, and a sketchbook with headphones, he sat. curiosity of one another intrigued us as we looked at each other in the far distance... and a sudden welcomeness and filfillment overrid me and i would assume so for him too. we both smiled at each other and waved... both understanding what was needed to be done.. what we both felt like...
and in that moment, i felt i belonged as a stranger to the world.. as he does too. without a single word of exchange, we both knew wat the other was feeling and thinking.. and we respected that silence as we continued our day at the park. i hope i'll see him again. or someone like him when i return to the park in latter days i have left in sacramento.
it was a beautiful moment.
Sunday, April 04, 2004
so life is going on downhill with rare one-minute to (at most) half-a-day highs. college is without a doubt something that has been on my mind a lot only because everyone keeps talking about it at school and i can't seem to turn my ears and not listen. wouldn't it be wonderful if our ears worked somewhat like our eyes. an organ in which we have total control over when we want them to function or not? gahh...
everyone keeps asking me where i want to go for college.. and i think, why does it matter? first off, i dont care anymore.. because i'm forced to go to whatever college my parents, uncles, and aunts tell me to, so what is the use of dreaming? secondly, i just dont see a future for me anymore. it just isn't fitting. i can't see it at all. I dont know what life is going to be like a minute from now so how the hell am i suppose to envision life a year or a month or years from now? I'm living life at large and I don't see the point in it anymore. seriously.......... dont worry, i haven't fell into such depths of doldrums and malice that i'd do something stupid... i just dont' see a future. i dont. and stop asking me woiuld ya?
it's not that big of a deal.
college isn't going to teach the life skills i need.. college is not going to be anything but a facade myth society has pretty much tatooed in the minds of our youth; if yuou dont go college, u'll become a useless bum in the streets. let me tell you this, these people living in the streets, at least the majority of them, know things we never will. they have such wisdom we will never embody. EVER. life is precious to them, they have nothing but life to live... have nothing but has everything they need. i want to know. i want to feel. i want to experience.
everyone keeps asking me where i want to go for college.. and i think, why does it matter? first off, i dont care anymore.. because i'm forced to go to whatever college my parents, uncles, and aunts tell me to, so what is the use of dreaming? secondly, i just dont see a future for me anymore. it just isn't fitting. i can't see it at all. I dont know what life is going to be like a minute from now so how the hell am i suppose to envision life a year or a month or years from now? I'm living life at large and I don't see the point in it anymore. seriously.......... dont worry, i haven't fell into such depths of doldrums and malice that i'd do something stupid... i just dont' see a future. i dont. and stop asking me woiuld ya?
it's not that big of a deal.
college isn't going to teach the life skills i need.. college is not going to be anything but a facade myth society has pretty much tatooed in the minds of our youth; if yuou dont go college, u'll become a useless bum in the streets. let me tell you this, these people living in the streets, at least the majority of them, know things we never will. they have such wisdom we will never embody. EVER. life is precious to them, they have nothing but life to live... have nothing but has everything they need. i want to know. i want to feel. i want to experience.
Tuesday, March 30, 2004
Saturday, March 20, 2004
and so i'm beginning to see my pattern of randomness.. and yet in my insanity, i see sense therefore i'm still somewhat okay... from now on.. i'm going to post my away msg because they're always what keeps me thinking... an obscured truth or problem i've been avoiding. today's:
chafe by imperfection.. and yet i stand... but limp.. very limp.
balance?
no.
gaaahhh.................
leave a msg and i'll IM back.. maybe, if u're worth it :]?
chafe by imperfection.. and yet i stand... but limp.. very limp.
balance?
no.
gaaahhh.................
leave a msg and i'll IM back.. maybe, if u're worth it :]?
Thursday, March 18, 2004
i'm back again.. and I don't quite know why. I need to shpeal.. but I can't seem to come to terms with what I want to say.. or what i need to say. Odd isn't it? Life, i mean.
Gah. I dont want to go into a depression stage again.. I hate it. Absolutely hate it. Can I help it?
So much to do in so little time.. i can't write down everything i feel because maybe i really dont feel. I am once again being detached from myself... and I can't seem to make my statements clear. GAAHH.. NVM
MAYBE LATER.. MAYBE LATER
Gah. I dont want to go into a depression stage again.. I hate it. Absolutely hate it. Can I help it?
So much to do in so little time.. i can't write down everything i feel because maybe i really dont feel. I am once again being detached from myself... and I can't seem to make my statements clear. GAAHH.. NVM
MAYBE LATER.. MAYBE LATER
Friday, February 13, 2004
and so here i am again... it's like this blog is a fetish that just seems to be important only when i truely need sanity. ironic... contradictive.. but anything goes in this banter world that never makes any sense anyway. the odd thing is, i think its hilarious.. fucked up that i go on and ramble about my life when noone reallie reads about it anyway. who cares right? i dont want pity or glory, if you all are wondering. just a blog to keep myself sane, to get my thoughts straight. and you might ask, then why post it online for everyone to see and hear? why not keep it at privacy for my own viewing pleasure?
and i answer... simply because i feel like it. i dont want people asking me what's up again and again and having to tell the same damn old story again and again... either that or i dont wanna lie and say everything is fine and dandy. life is not always fine and dandy though I'd like to say it's AWSOME... but again, i'd be a damned liar.
so anyway.. if u've been keeping up with my older blog, which i doubt since noone reads my crap or gives a care, one would know the angelic new year was a miserable for me, at least for 2 or 3 weeks til chinese new years on the 22nd of january. Just wen i thought everything was AWSOME.. the life i wanted to live.. and at that moment in time.. i was actually HAPPY... everything seemed to come crashing down come feburary 7th.
besides being sick with a minor flu/cold, i didn't expect everything to run me over the ridge at once. It was like.. whoa! what the f*? Suppose all my energy and happiness ran out? i started to feel like crap. I was letting myself lag behind again... because i felt icky. Great. That whole week was unrealistic and slow because i my grandma from la was in the hospital.. so i was worried about her, knowing she had pneoumia AND that her tumor on her tongue is malignant and no longer a tumor. She has cancer. So that got me thinking... and depressed.
School is no help neither. Science olympiad's competition is coming up in 2 or 3 weeks.. and i feel i've let the team down. I dropped out of the robot ramble event, simply because i haven't been current and cooperating with my partners... just a lot of stuff caught me off track.. ya knoe? anyhoo. i felt like a failure sometimes.. but then again.. with everything going, i feel that my priorities have changed.. and changed for somewhat the better. SO simply is a small priority for me rite now and i dont see the wrong in it, though i do feel guilt... and mr smith is disappointed in me. the vibe is tacit. he didn't say it, but i knoe it. kosney is disappointed too, i think, or rather i know. But i can't help it! I DONT KNOw what the hell i'm suppose to do.
and my 18th birthday. WHAT THE HECK.. i even forgot myself! Practically everyone at school forgot.. only a few that i never thought would've remembered... REMEMBERED and wished me a happy bday. Marielle the friday before because it was her bday on the 6th (and i thank you!), DAVID TURNER? on the day after we got bak from the weekend (thanx for the card! it REALLY cheered me up!), and..... a few other ppl who said happie bday after finding out from david. Six at the most. WHICH IS TOTALLY FIne because i wasn't expectiing nething. so thanx :) really. It was practically the only highlight of my life as of then and still even now. HS friends who remembered was minimal.. but what made up for everyone who didn't remember that i thought would have was the surprises from my college buddies: Linh was 2 days ahead of me who sent me a lovely gift and card (I LOVE YOU SOO MUCH!), Joshie who also turned 18th the day after me (HAPPY 18TH! but U'RE STILL A YOUNG-N! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA), and Thomas (I LOVE YOU! thanx for the present!). I felt reallie happy knowing that those i truely miss are thinking about me too. my friends are AWSOME!
So back to the bad news:
My brother, who was minorly sick before, got worse. Didn't know what was up til he'd gone into the ER.. blood tests, urine test, CAT scans, what not... x rays. WOW. he was so sick he couldnt get outta bed. When that happened, I freaked out. Not because he was reallie sick, well i mean that too but i knew he eventually'd be okay, but because i had tons to do for school in addition to caring for my younger sisters. That night, i had the worse night cramps and my stomach ulcers were acting up again.. for awhile back, i thought they were gone. BLAAAHHH.
Life turned miserable as i'm trying to keep up emotionally and physically. School's a drag. i dont even want to be there. I didnt' know how to act at school. Everything in my life was just so f* up that talking about it seemed dumb and selfish but keeping it to myself was hard because someone will eventually ask me what the hell was up and i'd have to lie and say everyhting was okay. hahaha
and i answer... simply because i feel like it. i dont want people asking me what's up again and again and having to tell the same damn old story again and again... either that or i dont wanna lie and say everything is fine and dandy. life is not always fine and dandy though I'd like to say it's AWSOME... but again, i'd be a damned liar.
so anyway.. if u've been keeping up with my older blog, which i doubt since noone reads my crap or gives a care, one would know the angelic new year was a miserable for me, at least for 2 or 3 weeks til chinese new years on the 22nd of january. Just wen i thought everything was AWSOME.. the life i wanted to live.. and at that moment in time.. i was actually HAPPY... everything seemed to come crashing down come feburary 7th.
besides being sick with a minor flu/cold, i didn't expect everything to run me over the ridge at once. It was like.. whoa! what the f*? Suppose all my energy and happiness ran out? i started to feel like crap. I was letting myself lag behind again... because i felt icky. Great. That whole week was unrealistic and slow because i my grandma from la was in the hospital.. so i was worried about her, knowing she had pneoumia AND that her tumor on her tongue is malignant and no longer a tumor. She has cancer. So that got me thinking... and depressed.
School is no help neither. Science olympiad's competition is coming up in 2 or 3 weeks.. and i feel i've let the team down. I dropped out of the robot ramble event, simply because i haven't been current and cooperating with my partners... just a lot of stuff caught me off track.. ya knoe? anyhoo. i felt like a failure sometimes.. but then again.. with everything going, i feel that my priorities have changed.. and changed for somewhat the better. SO simply is a small priority for me rite now and i dont see the wrong in it, though i do feel guilt... and mr smith is disappointed in me. the vibe is tacit. he didn't say it, but i knoe it. kosney is disappointed too, i think, or rather i know. But i can't help it! I DONT KNOw what the hell i'm suppose to do.
and my 18th birthday. WHAT THE HECK.. i even forgot myself! Practically everyone at school forgot.. only a few that i never thought would've remembered... REMEMBERED and wished me a happy bday. Marielle the friday before because it was her bday on the 6th (and i thank you!), DAVID TURNER? on the day after we got bak from the weekend (thanx for the card! it REALLY cheered me up!), and..... a few other ppl who said happie bday after finding out from david. Six at the most. WHICH IS TOTALLY FIne because i wasn't expectiing nething. so thanx :) really. It was practically the only highlight of my life as of then and still even now. HS friends who remembered was minimal.. but what made up for everyone who didn't remember that i thought would have was the surprises from my college buddies: Linh was 2 days ahead of me who sent me a lovely gift and card (I LOVE YOU SOO MUCH!), Joshie who also turned 18th the day after me (HAPPY 18TH! but U'RE STILL A YOUNG-N! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA), and Thomas (I LOVE YOU! thanx for the present!). I felt reallie happy knowing that those i truely miss are thinking about me too. my friends are AWSOME!
So back to the bad news:
My brother, who was minorly sick before, got worse. Didn't know what was up til he'd gone into the ER.. blood tests, urine test, CAT scans, what not... x rays. WOW. he was so sick he couldnt get outta bed. When that happened, I freaked out. Not because he was reallie sick, well i mean that too but i knew he eventually'd be okay, but because i had tons to do for school in addition to caring for my younger sisters. That night, i had the worse night cramps and my stomach ulcers were acting up again.. for awhile back, i thought they were gone. BLAAAHHH.
Life turned miserable as i'm trying to keep up emotionally and physically. School's a drag. i dont even want to be there. I didnt' know how to act at school. Everything in my life was just so f* up that talking about it seemed dumb and selfish but keeping it to myself was hard because someone will eventually ask me what the hell was up and i'd have to lie and say everyhting was okay. hahaha
Monday, January 26, 2004
INCUBUS ROCKS! :) even tho they're stuck in my head. >.<
Make Yourself- Incubus
If I hadn't made me, I would've been made somehow.
If I hadn't assembled myself, I'dve fallen apart by now.
If I hadn't made me, I'd be more inclined to bow
Powers that be would have swallowed me up, but that's more than I can allow.
If you let them make you, they'll make you papier-mache.
At a distance you're strong, until the wind comes then you crumble and blow away.
If you let them fuck you, there will be no foreplay.
But rest assured, they'll screw you complete 'til your ass is blue and grey.
You should make amends with you.
If only for better health.
But if you really want to live, why not try and Make Yourself?
If I hadn't made me, I'dve fallen apart by now.
I won't let 'em make me, it's more than I can allow.
So when I make me, I won't be papier-maché.
And if I fuck me... I'll fuck me in my own way.
You should make amends with you.
If only for better health.
But if you really want to live, why not try and Make Yourself?
Make yourself.
Warning- Incubus
Bat your eyes girl
Be otherworldly
Count your blessings
Seduce a stranger
What's so wrong with
Being happy
Kudos to those who
See through sickness
When she woke in the morning
She knew that her life had passed her by
And she called out a warning
Don't ever let life pass you by
I suggest we
Learn to love ourselves before it's
Made illegal
When will we learn?
When will we change?
Just in time to
See it all fall down
Those left standing...will make millions
Writing books on the way it should have been
When she woke in the morning
She knew that her life had passed her by
And she called out a warning
Don't ever let life pass you by
Floating in this
Cosmic jacuzzi
We are like frogs oblivious
To the water
Starting to boil
No one flinches
We all float face down
When she woke in the morning
She knew that her life had passed her by
And she called out a warning
Don't ever let life pass you by
Make Yourself- Incubus
If I hadn't made me, I would've been made somehow.
If I hadn't assembled myself, I'dve fallen apart by now.
If I hadn't made me, I'd be more inclined to bow
Powers that be would have swallowed me up, but that's more than I can allow.
If you let them make you, they'll make you papier-mache.
At a distance you're strong, until the wind comes then you crumble and blow away.
If you let them fuck you, there will be no foreplay.
But rest assured, they'll screw you complete 'til your ass is blue and grey.
You should make amends with you.
If only for better health.
But if you really want to live, why not try and Make Yourself?
If I hadn't made me, I'dve fallen apart by now.
I won't let 'em make me, it's more than I can allow.
So when I make me, I won't be papier-maché.
And if I fuck me... I'll fuck me in my own way.
You should make amends with you.
If only for better health.
But if you really want to live, why not try and Make Yourself?
Make yourself.
Warning- Incubus
Bat your eyes girl
Be otherworldly
Count your blessings
Seduce a stranger
What's so wrong with
Being happy
Kudos to those who
See through sickness
When she woke in the morning
She knew that her life had passed her by
And she called out a warning
Don't ever let life pass you by
I suggest we
Learn to love ourselves before it's
Made illegal
When will we learn?
When will we change?
Just in time to
See it all fall down
Those left standing...will make millions
Writing books on the way it should have been
When she woke in the morning
She knew that her life had passed her by
And she called out a warning
Don't ever let life pass you by
Floating in this
Cosmic jacuzzi
We are like frogs oblivious
To the water
Starting to boil
No one flinches
We all float face down
When she woke in the morning
She knew that her life had passed her by
And she called out a warning
Don't ever let life pass you by
It's like a bing, bam and a boom! There are sOo many GREAT people crossing paths with me lately.
So I met this incredibly intriguing person today during 4th period ROP graphics. He's an AMAZING sacramento artist.. graduate of Sheldon's class of 2001. Name's David Garibaldi. Awsome. just AWSOME! You should go check out his artwork on www.garibaldiarts.com and i'm sure you'll enjoy it too! :)
I'm glad i had the chance to talk to him one on one. You learn so much about yourself, life, and the other person by just talking. I mean, this guy is amazing. David's only 21 yrs old... already has his own company where he does freelance art work for those that inquire his artistic ability. And he just BOUGHT A HOUSE! That's gotta be an attention getter... right? haha. He gets his inspiration from music and does live shows where he paints while listening to live musical performances.
the paintbrush is only an extension of his creative mind as images simply flow and fall into place on the white canvas. I can't imagine how confident you'll have to be to do something like that. Makes me think twice about how i should live my life... ya know what i mean? This guy has turned his passion into a successful career. His ardor for the visual arts is so overwhelming, he has tainted me with new inspiration to pursue in mine. I can just feel the splash of viscous paint giving life to a blank canvas.
I need to wake up from dormancy.. no.. more like my stupor and SMELL the coffee. Live again. I need to experience another individual renaissance once again so dreams can come reality. No holding back. No more indecisiveness.. or so be it that i LEARN to be decisive. Goodness, help me to be strong, please? :)
HAVE FAITH IN WHATEVER YOU CHERISH! ;)
Make yourself- Incubus.
So I met this incredibly intriguing person today during 4th period ROP graphics. He's an AMAZING sacramento artist.. graduate of Sheldon's class of 2001. Name's David Garibaldi. Awsome. just AWSOME! You should go check out his artwork on www.garibaldiarts.com and i'm sure you'll enjoy it too! :)
I'm glad i had the chance to talk to him one on one. You learn so much about yourself, life, and the other person by just talking. I mean, this guy is amazing. David's only 21 yrs old... already has his own company where he does freelance art work for those that inquire his artistic ability. And he just BOUGHT A HOUSE! That's gotta be an attention getter... right? haha. He gets his inspiration from music and does live shows where he paints while listening to live musical performances.
the paintbrush is only an extension of his creative mind as images simply flow and fall into place on the white canvas. I can't imagine how confident you'll have to be to do something like that. Makes me think twice about how i should live my life... ya know what i mean? This guy has turned his passion into a successful career. His ardor for the visual arts is so overwhelming, he has tainted me with new inspiration to pursue in mine. I can just feel the splash of viscous paint giving life to a blank canvas.
I need to wake up from dormancy.. no.. more like my stupor and SMELL the coffee. Live again. I need to experience another individual renaissance once again so dreams can come reality. No holding back. No more indecisiveness.. or so be it that i LEARN to be decisive. Goodness, help me to be strong, please? :)
HAVE FAITH IN WHATEVER YOU CHERISH! ;)
Make yourself- Incubus.
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