Something has been on my mind quite a bit lately: that is my relentless habit of trying to save a friendship perhaps unworthy of my attention, concern, and love because it takes two to make it work. It isn't that this friendship has gone sour, oh no. This friendship came and it bloomed, but now the distance... the vagueness... the emptiness... and loss of caring from the other party. It recalls the same ideas and values an entry I wrote a few years ago on my birthday:
http://hearthofaphe0nix.blogspot.com/2006/02/life-death-love-truth-honesty-and.html
"i'm homebound for self-improvement and for giving my love to others that appreciates my love... i'm not going to waste my time trying to please those that dont' want my love.
"I stopped trying because there's no point in trying to save a one way relationship/friendship. I'm so incredibly tired of being the only fucking person trying (and this pertains to more than just the incident I speak of).
"I hate giving up-- but yesteryear taught me that it's okay to let hopes/dreams/things die as long as i've tried. So this year, i'm loosening up. I refrain from getting too hung up on things and i'm more prone to optimism again-- less worries, less sorrow, less boggling of the mind. hurray for growing, learning, and finding pleasure in simple things. Notwithstanding, my love, my friendship for the new and old will always remain untainted. The door is always open and remember that phones work both ways.
"... there's a plateau somewhere where we can claim victory, honor, grace, and respect for oneself, but in exchange, see all the glory and wonders befall and cycle once again with loss thereof. That, my friend, is the plateau of purest of all purities-- a majestic beauty."
Meh, I'm over it. Or at least I tell myself that. We'll see in time. Bleh. whatever. I'm tired. Good night. Excuse the poor grammar and spelling and word choices... ciao.
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