In touch with nature, culture, and spirit

I had the most ordinary lunar bday today... and I never felt better about how smoothly things went with everyone that came and went. I felt more spiritual and cultural than usual, that is in a non-religious kind of way.. perhaps it all has to do with my godfather and godmother being mother and father earth. complicated, yes. and the mystery continues... Happy Lunar New Year!


mm.. look at my beautiful cake.. haha..


i dont normally gush.. but.. !!! :D my whole dad's side of the fam was there.. so we had TWO cakes! yum

P.S. i fell in love with this kid (my distant cousin) that sang the ABCs and "You Are My Sunshine" to me. it was the first time we've met. he is the sweetest darn thing ever..aaaahhh 2 yrs old and he swooned me like no other. *CHEEZE* :) it makes me smile just thinking about him :)

The gift of new years: a hearty reminder of what it is to be grateful

when i woke up this morning, my whole right arm was completely LIMP! it was possibly more limp than the limp of dead fish one can buy off the market.

i literally could NOT move it and had to lift it up with my left hand. i got so scared sitting there. i tried pinching it and lifting it with my left arm.. AND I COULD NOT FEEL A SINGLE THING.. not even the slightest pressure from my left hand/fingers as i grabbed it.

horrible notions ran through my head: "as a new year's gift, my whole right arm is going to be paralyzed. i will no longer be able to paint, draw, do art!, write letters, fence! or do anything without my right arm/hand!

Aghast and hardly breathing, i wavered my limp appendage back and forth with the help and wholesome support of my left arm, watching my wrist snap back and forth like i've never seen it before. it must have been at least two minutes until feeling started to gradually come back.

*SIGH*, what a thing to start the day off with! i honestly thought it was OVER for me! :-0

i can now genuinely say i am grateful for simply being in "one functional unit."

Moral of story: appreciate the small things in life. no matter how small it is, it makes an unfathomable difference to do without.

side self reminder: i still need to make that doctor's appointment :-\

wellness in health

http://www.wholehealthmd.com/hk/remedies/disp/1,1459,428,00.html

confuzzled. its okay. i can handle it. yeah? :]

on a completely random note:

i was browsing blogs.. and i came across

http://mrboyboy.blogspot.com/2006/01/believing-in-having-belief_113800171471473426.html

beautifully written. goodnite.

AHHH.. the new yr is here!!!!


HAPPY NEW YEAR, MY LOVES! oooh how wonderful it feels!!

n0rmally strange (1:17:21 AM): i can't stop smiling
n0rmally strange (1:17:25 AM): and i dont know why im smiling haha
kaY8686 (1:17:41 AM): man
kaY8686 (1:17:47 AM): i wanna be all randomly happy
n0rmally strange (1:17:56 AM): i'm happy cause the new yr is here
n0rmally strange (1:18:06 AM): and i've finally thrown some baggage away
n0rmally strange (1:18:21 AM): im not dwelling anymore
n0rmally strange (1:18:22 AM): :)
n0rmally strange (1:18:24 AM): whooooottttt
n0rmally strange (1:18:26 AM): feels good
n0rmally strange (1:18:39 AM): and im not talking to ppl i dont wanna talk to
n0rmally strange (1:19:16 AM): at least for now
n0rmally strange (1:19:25 AM): they dont knw that but all the better
n0rmally strange (1:19:26 AM): hahahahahaaha
n0rmally strange (1:19:33 AM): aaahhh i'm on a natural high
n0rmally strange (1:19:35 AM): :D
n0rmally strange (1:19:37 AM): hahahahahaahaha
n0rmally strange (1:19:38 AM): whooooo
n0rmally strange (1:19:44 AM): omg i might be going crazy
kaY8686 (1:20:35 AM): hahaha
kaY8686 (1:20:40 AM): you sound happy
kaY8686 (1:20:42 AM): that's good
n0rmally strange (1:20:42 AM): :D
n0rmally strange (1:20:46 AM): thanx
n0rmally strange (1:20:49 AM): i know
n0rmally strange (1:20:51 AM): i feels good
kaY8686 (1:21:01 AM): did you do anything "fun" for new years?
n0rmally strange (1:21:03 AM): it's been awhile
n0rmally strange (1:21:05 AM): hahaha
n0rmally strange (1:21:08 AM): no not yet
n0rmally strange (1:21:12 AM): except to be happy
n0rmally strange (1:21:22 AM): i guess that's fun enough
n0rmally strange (1:21:24 AM): for now
n0rmally strange (1:21:26 AM): :)
kaY8686 (1:21:47 AM): man
kaY8686 (1:21:51 AM): i wanna be just happy
kaY8686 (1:21:53 AM): i'm a little jealous
n0rmally strange (1:23:43 AM): i think it was all because of a phone call

it feels good to be free. oh, how i hope this will be a good year. i love you all! best of wishes, of health, and of happiness~~ :-*

Being OOoooookay

After all that has happened,
my fatigue from all my nightmares
contemplation
reevaluation
introspection,
I've learned quite a lot
life is short
one must dream to hope
and hope to act
act to get
and get to give,
give to learn.
But not all dreams
are meant to be brought to life
not all are meant to be fulfilled.

It's okay to not know
it's okay to not understand
it's okay to take it slow
and it's okay to be not okay.

Life is sporatic... unpredictable
it can be beautiful one moment and cruel the next
time is passive and young and impatient for it doesn't know how to wait
therefore one mustn't dwell on things that can't be change
instead
learn-- adapt to reality
and all the while remember there is always something to smile about
all will work itself out in due time
patience is a virtue but without initiative and optimism, there will be no progress. no end to no beginning and no beginning to no end.

the future waits. brave it with all one's might
for the adventure and endless possibilities await.

i've forgotten how good it was to be okay.

*sigh*

Precisely:

Billy Joel's Vienna

Slow down you crazy child
You're so ambitious for a juvenile
But then if you're so smart tell me why
Are you still so afraid?
Where's the fire, what's the hurry about?
You better cool it off before you burn it out
You got so much to do and only
So many hours in a day

But you know that when the truth is told
That you can get what you want
Or you can just get old
You're gonna kick off before you even get halfway through
When will you realize...Vienna waits for you

Slow down you're doing fine
You can't be everything you want to be
Before your time
Although it's so romantic on the borderline tonight (tonight)
Too bad but it's the life you lead
You're so ahead of yourself
That you forgot what you need
Though you can see when you're wrong
You know you can't always see when you're right(you're right)

You got your passion you got your pride
But don't you know that only fools are satisfied?
Dream on but don't imagine they'll all come true
When will you realize
Vienna waits for you

Slow down you crazy child
Take the phone off the hook and disappear for a while
It's alright you can afford to lose a day or two
When will you realize...
Vienna waits for you.

But you know that when the truth is told
That you can get what you want
Or you can just get old
You're gonna kick off before you even get halfway through
Why don't you realize...Vienna waits for you
When will you realize...Vienna waits for you

inspiration

if only i can express what i feel in words that are comprehensible, i would.

all i can say right now is it is a good feeling and i dont want to lose it.

spit me out the hearth like a pheonix with ambition, passion, love, and without baggage. :) a new yr is around the corner and i can't wait!

happy holidays!

what i am not, i cannot be until i make myself to be

Happy holidays, everyone!

Finals are over and if I learned anything this quarter, it is to not freak out in the mist of chaos for it will help me no further-- hah, how many times have you heard me say that? Everything that happenecd in the past few months, perhaps past two years, seem to be a really long nightmare. I wish it will end soon if not now. I haven't been myself. Life since I started college has gone downhill and i know not what i am or what i used to be. I did. But the blanket of darkness fell upon my eyes and i can see no further what lies ahead.
I've been saying "spit me out the hearth like a phe0nix" forever and a day now, but nothing i do or say suffices. Every new beginning I make of my maze, I always end without luck. stuck. befallen in the damp coldness.

revert to the hard worker i used to be.
revert to the strong optimist i used to be.

there are many things i need to become that i am not. there are many things in my past i need to let go. and i will start with nettles. then with stones. and finally with mountains.

i need to learn not to dwell.

EH.... what was i thinking? i dont know.

finals are this week and i'm as screwed as ever can be. i hate how little things that usually make me smile, now make me all teary eyed. i hate the feeling of wanting and not wanting the same something at the same time. i hate how my computer doesn't work anymore. i hate the feeling of loving someone so much it hurts. i hate how i burrowed in the hole i dug myself. i hate how i write.


Babychi: hello
Babychi: i was about to make u a prsent but it broke
Babychi: i don't kow how to fix it
Babychi: i was about to make you three but one broke and so did the other one. so there was the last one and i decided it is not good so i took it apart
n0rmally strange: lol
n0rmally strange: what was it?
Babychi: y i might be able to fix it
Babychi: so i won't telll u
n0rmally strange: lol
n0rmally strange: haha
Babychi: i hope i do
n0rmally strange: so are u still gonna give it to me?
n0rmally strange: awww, i love you, stephanie chi
Babychi: but it came apart cause i unscrwed it to put battery in but a came apart even more
Babychi: and that was gonna be the first gift under the chrismas tree
n0rmally strange: hahaha

O how i love my little monster and how i miss her soooo soo sooo much!!!

i dont know where i'm going with this.. okay.. break time over. more studying. studying studying.. studying... studying... studying....

vunerable

i'm tired of playing games
i'm tired of cheating myself
i'm tired of caring
i'm tired of feeling

i'm weathered.
i'm beaten.
i'm brittle.
i'm vunerable.

i am not myself.

next time you see me
through and over
with a well of tears
do me a favor:
hold me close
and dont let go
and tell me...
everything will be okay


lean on me -al green

how will i ever forget. happy birthday. it hurts so. i love you.
Kamakawiwo'ole- Somewhere Over the Rainbow

October.

october makes me want to absorb all the sorrows of myself and of family and friends.. take all the burden and all the unhappiness... caress it, put it on a platter, feel the sorrowness to their extremities... the wounds and scars... cry it all out.. and smile upon it weakly afterward.

its kinda like ripping your heart out just to see it beat to the rhythm of life and die a little in the moment of enlightment,
yah?

refreshing.
morbidly refreshing.

ya dig?

Off to school

so this is it guys. off to davis. yeah yeah, i know it isn't my first time leaving for Davis (cause i'll be back in Sacramento the next weekend.. hah... maybe), but I'm so ready to start school again. gotta loose all this tub of chub and slosh around some brain juice inside mi cranium. i figured it'll get my mind off personal crap for a while at least and yeah.

heck, i miss ppl. i miss my friends--all of them... of sac and davis. blah. come to think of it, i didn't get a chance to hang out with a lot of them this summer :'( and if i did... i wish i had done it more. *sigh* i love you! (you guys should know who u are). where and what would i be without true friendship?

mmmmmmmmk. i'm off.. to davis. whoo hoo.


oh and for the record, i don't like davis. i want to transfer but it isn't likely that i will because 1. my parents wont approve of it and 2. i wouldn't know where to transfer to. *sigh*

dum dee dee dum... good luck and best wishes to all.

i miss getting constant emails... and most of all snail mail. hah. does anyone do that anymore? :P

viva la amistad

Nietzsche once said, "if you look too long into the abyss, the abyss looks into you."

turns out i was too sensitive.

i'm lookin' up and swinging on stars with a croked smile on my face. life is so spontaneous.


i'm soo ready.

so ready for change

soooo over it.

and soo random.

goodbyes are bittersweet.

anyway.. i'm ready to tackle! 1, 2, 3...

Crossroads

The unexpected meets expectations at the crossroads of disappointment.

What does that mean?

I have no more energy to pour my heart and soul in nurturing a friendship gone stale.
___________________________________

It really hurts to receive nonchalance from those I love most, especially when all i get from countless efforts to talk and be involved in their lives are always one word or sardonic answers.
Is it because I set my expectations too high?
Is it even my prerogative to have expectations…unintentional expectations at that?
Or is it even a matter of having or not having expectations?

It takes two to make any relationship work

and

I'm really.... REALLY tired of trying.

Perhaps I started trying too late? Suppose I am simply too sensitive to the situation?

*sigh*

Time is running out fast. I don't know if I want to try anymore, but I wish the best for all to come for both of us.. wherever life may lead us.

Goodnight.

Interesting site

So here's a link I jacked from Paradise:

http://www.thesurrealist.co.uk/slogan.cgi

It's a fun site that sloganizes whatever you put in the box. Here's what I got on my first tries:

Break Me Off a Piece Of That Amy Chi.
The Chi Effect.
I am Stuck on Amy, 'Cause Amy's Stuck on Me.

On another random thought, my car gave me a shock today on my arm and gave me a BRUISE! crazy isn't it? :P

i ache. goodnight.

Rough Horseplay

Soo... i'm feeling a little whoozy because:

1. i'm sick as hell
2. my youngest sister just kicked me in the face while we were horseplaying

here's the aftermath. enjoy:


this is what happens when i horseplay with my youngest sister.. who's TEN...


yea, i was mad


asshole...


after the clean up


oww... it still hurts :( boooooo

All 4 Wisdom Teeth Taken Out

after oral surgery


peekaboo


ouch.. they cut my lip


a well of blood


o wait.. i'm throwing it up too


and yeah


more blood!

Maturity in Suspension

yesterday, i found out that i can no longer resort to sitting under my desk to cry my eyes out because i am too tall. it made me cry harder. but i eventually passed out on the floor so all was well.

Love?

i told myself i wouldn;t write... but by chance...
what does it mean to love? does that include listening to? what is life without a cordial family but with one that doesn't communicate at all? what is there then to do? what happens to a person who tries so hard to change his/her family for the better but ends up changing nothing? what happens to crestfallen souls whose love ones think nothing of them? what is there to matter and to care about when everyone you love doesn't care about your feelings? so tell me and tell me true. what am i to you?


i told myself not to be silly... but I made a fool of myself again.

night out with the boys

Tonight was great. I got to hang out with the guys again: Erik, Shahram and Seung like good old times. Erik, Seung and I got our first taste of Persian culture at Famous Kabobs thanx to our fabulous cultural guide, Shahram. it was an interesting experience--fresh, new, hip, and cool. Laughter filled the air as we sat chatting away about what's new, what's old, what's school like and such.

Im so glad Erik and Shahram enjoys embry-riddle and cal poly, respectively, as much as they do. As for Seung and I, well... we're gonna work on it in berk and davis. lol. *Sigh*

then we spent the rest of our evening.. and early wee hours of the day walking the streets of Shahram's neighborhood...we had a kick ass time on the swings at a near by park where i almost kicked shahram in the face and had both he and seung run through oppositely swung swings conducted by captain chi and nishida. :D

It's been a while since i felt so comfortable and it's been a while since i enjoyed myself with a night full of pure joy and fun. i adored every ounce and every fecosecond of it. When my dad called at 12 to tell me to go home and after i assured him i would in a few minutes, we ended up chatting it up and laughing it up for an hour more! *sigh* how i didn't want to leave. it felt great. i miss them. good times. thanx guys. u guys are awesomeness.

:)

while lying on my bed with headphones emitting music to drown me... hopefully to sleep, my whole life flashed before my eyes... before i knew it, i was imagining how my future would be like.


funny to say because i havne't been able to envision a future for myself until last night. but still, the future i envisioned was so surreal. i imagined how elated i'd feel if graduated.. had a job.. moved out.. somewhere... i was content.. but the whole seen changed as i tried for medical school. then reality hit. what am i doing now to help me get there? nothhing. absolutely nothing.

what if i died before i was able to graduate? say... i developed malignant melanoma... say... i was intensively iron deficiently anemic... or my ulcers finally bleed out my heart. what then? my spirit dies... my body dies... and i will return to this lofty earth... belonging once again as a child of the world.. of earth. every element returned to its natural state. somehow this gives me comfort.


fear. what is it? fear of death.. no. fear of the living? perhaps.. im tired. let me rest my eyes... perhaps they'll never open again? -_-

The Lodge of Hopeful Vissicitudes

last night, i had the urge to write to unclog my mind so i took a pen and a nakpin and started to freewrite... unedited:

my metamophosis

The Amy ten years ago has died. Although we are essentially the same person of the same skin and mind, our perception and ideals, goals, and values are building an edifice of continuous change. With every step and every adobe stone cemented, every pipe and wire connected, the image of the edifice changes. The motivation, inspiration and determination which I had so many years ago have disappeared. No longer do I have these three things defined that are necessary for my survival and success; their mutated selves have not fully formed fruit yet. I feel lost. I need to find me again in these three terms; perhaps when I find what can motivate me now, inspires me now… I can find the determination and my will to follow through my goals and aspirations. Virtuous of words and honor… I will try my best to seek what earths me in the present day and take voyage to my future and homage to what I was years ago. Thank goodness I am still who I am but of one who has morphed.

Mirror Mirror On The Wall

Starring into the eyes of a stranger, I think, who is she? Perplexed, the only thing i can do is surmise about the quick tempered, cynical, and naive flesh of glass she is. Animosity impregnates the air of the room; suffocation lacks only an ounce more before damage is done. She's deceiving... too disgusting to taste... toxic to everything around her. I ask, "who are you?" She responds with a hissing mock of my words, spitting venom while she does so, "who are you?"

The Search

n0rmally strange (1:52:35 AM): hey
kaY8686 (1:52:43 AM): wth
n0rmally strange (1:52:52 AM): uhhhmmm okay
n0rmally strange (1:52:52 AM): nvm
n0rmally strange (1:52:53 AM): goodntie
kaY8686 (1:52:54 AM): go to bed!
kaY8686 (1:52:56 AM): wait!
kaY8686 (1:52:57 AM): come back
n0rmally strange (1:52:59 AM): ...
kaY8686 (1:53:01 AM): hey!
kaY8686 (1:53:03 AM): haha
n0rmally strange (1:53:04 AM): ...
n0rmally strange (1:53:07 AM): lets not
kaY8686 (1:53:10 AM): =(
kaY8686 (1:53:10 AM): o
kaY8686 (1:53:11 AM): k
kaY8686 (1:53:12 AM): gnite
n0rmally strange (1:53:15 AM): ur weird
n0rmally strange (1:53:26 AM): and ur probably playing games rite now
kaY8686 (1:53:34 AM): why'd you say nvm?
n0rmally strange (1:53:37 AM): i dont wanna divert ur attention.
kaY8686 (1:53:41 AM): ..
kaY8686 (1:53:42 AM): umm
n0rmally strange (1:53:48 AM): go play
kaY8686 (1:53:49 AM): are you ok?
n0rmally strange (1:53:52 AM): yes
kaY8686 (1:53:56 AM): are you mad/
n0rmally strange (1:54:14 AM): i sound like a mother telling a kid to go frolic in the land of digital fantasy
n0rmally strange (1:54:27 AM): no. im not mad but i've thought things thru lately
n0rmally strange (1:54:38 AM): but nonetheless
kaY8686 (1:54:41 AM): what things?
n0rmally strange (1:54:44 AM): everything
n0rmally strange (1:54:58 AM): ive come to a conclusion about my future
n0rmally strange (1:55:06 AM): at least... part of it
n0rmally strange (1:55:15 AM): go play
kaY8686 (1:55:21 AM): are you making some kind of huge life changing discision?
kaY8686 (1:55:24 AM): i wanna know now
n0rmally strange (1:55:27 AM): haha
n0rmally strange (1:55:28 AM): uhhh
kaY8686 (1:55:29 AM): you can't just say that, and not talk abou tit
n0rmally strange (1:55:38 AM): well.. its not HUGE
n0rmally strange (1:55:41 AM): at least
n0rmally strange (1:55:42 AM): not yet
n0rmally strange (1:55:55 AM): i hope it comes true tho
n0rmally strange (1:56:01 AM): of course it'll take yrs
n0rmally strange (1:56:05 AM): before i get there
kaY8686 (1:56:13 AM): umm
kaY8686 (1:56:31 AM): is there a reason why you can't say what it is?
n0rmally strange (1:56:32 AM): but i plan to do what imdoing now
n0rmally strange (1:56:39 AM): no
n0rmally strange (1:56:45 AM): its nothing big
n0rmally strange (1:56:47 AM): or different
n0rmally strange (1:56:55 AM): i've said it before
kaY8686 (1:56:58 AM): stop calling it, "it"
kaY8686 (1:56:58 AM): what is "it"?
kaY8686 (1:56:58 AM): hope what comes true?!
n0rmally strange (1:56:59 AM): that i wanna travel
kaY8686 (1:57:03 AM): o
n0rmally strange (1:57:11 AM): but.. as soon as i finish up school
n0rmally strange (1:57:15 AM): im going to leave
n0rmally strange (1:57:18 AM): no one can stop me
n0rmally strange (1:57:23 AM): at least, i hope not
n0rmally strange (1:57:33 AM): i dont belong
n0rmally strange (1:57:36 AM): here at least
n0rmally strange (1:57:45 AM): or maybe i dont belong anywhere
n0rmally strange (1:57:54 AM): maybe thats why i need to go
n0rmally strange (1:57:56 AM): places
n0rmally strange (1:58:00 AM): and find things out for myself.
n0rmally strange (1:58:05 AM): maybe i'll never settle
n0rmally strange (1:58:11 AM): i can't settle
n0rmally strange (1:58:22 AM): it was never possible for me
n0rmally strange (1:58:25 AM): and never will be
n0rmally strange (1:58:40 AM): im forever changing... and i dont see myself anywhere
kaY8686 (1:58:42 AM): did you just come to this discision?
n0rmally strange (1:58:51 AM): no. i've thought bout it for a long time now
n0rmally strange (1:59:17 AM): but now im hoping it'll come true
n0rmally strange (1:59:22 AM): that i'll be able to make it all happen
kaY8686 (1:59:26 AM): so, wheres the first place you plan on going to?
n0rmally strange (1:59:32 AM): i dont know
n0rmally strange (1:59:43 AM): it'll be a few yrs
n0rmally strange (1:59:47 AM): a few yrs to decide
kaY8686 (1:59:47 AM): and why can't you do it now?
n0rmally strange (1:59:53 AM): haha.. money
n0rmally strange (1:59:57 AM): i need to earn it first
n0rmally strange (2:00:06 AM): so imma find a job
n0rmally strange (2:00:12 AM): do well in school (i hope)
n0rmally strange (2:00:16 AM): just gotta focus
kaY8686 (2:00:17 AM): so, after school you're going to make money and save up and go traveling around the world like a nomad?
n0rmally strange (2:00:25 AM): lol.
n0rmally strange (2:00:28 AM): uhhh
n0rmally strange (2:00:39 AM): sure if you wanna put it that way
n0rmally strange (2:00:53 AM): but i was planning on making and saving up some now
kaY8686 (2:01:01 AM): but won't you be temporarily settling in each new location to make money
kaY8686 (2:01:04 AM): before you can move on again?
n0rmally strange (2:01:10 AM): yeah
kaY8686 (2:01:32 AM): so... the point of a degree would be?
n0rmally strange (2:01:41 AM): i dont know
n0rmally strange (2:01:46 AM): as long as it take
n0rmally strange (2:01:46 AM): s
n0rmally strange (2:02:04 AM): and maybe somehow i'll be able to find a place
n0rmally strange (2:02:11 AM): that i can settle down and be content with
n0rmally strange (2:02:26 AM): a reason somewhere
n0rmally strange (2:02:37 AM): someone.. something.. some place... some idea
n0rmally strange (2:02:39 AM): ionno
n0rmally strange (2:02:40 AM): something
n0rmally strange (2:02:52 AM): its out there
n0rmally strange (2:02:55 AM): somewhere
n0rmally strange (2:03:06 AM): and imma find it. at least i'll die trying.
kaY8686 (2:03:24 AM): you make it sound as if you'll be searching for your reason for life
kaY8686 (2:03:24 AM): but at the same time
kaY8686 (2:03:30 AM): you make it sound like the search is the reason
kaY8686 (2:03:41 AM): are you leaving to find your life's purpose?
kaY8686 (2:04:31 AM): or is the process of leaving the purpose?
n0rmally strange (2:05:40 AM): both i guess
n0rmally strange (2:05:42 AM): i dotn reallie know
n0rmally strange (2:05:52 AM): i dont think that there's much purpose to life
n0rmally strange (2:06:04 AM): i wanna find something that's worth staying for
n0rmally strange (2:06:34 AM): does that make sense?
kaY8686 (2:06:37 AM): yes

Misunderstandings... SUCK CRAPOY

Is it silly to cry if a friend misunderstood you and took you for a hot headed fool when all you were attempting to do was make a genuine apology with a bit of sarcasm to lighten up whatever temperament residue was left from a previously lashing statement?

I wont let it bother my conscience, so here it goes:

Dear friend:

I’m sorry if i was "prying" into your business. I was only trying to be a friend. Perhaps i thought my persistence will break you; I would like to think I only do that under certain circumstances with certain persons who I believe is comfortable with me and who would tolerate, understand the concerns I have with his/her life. I only wanted to be there to share whatever it is that wretches your mind, heart, and soul.. whatever it is that brings you a smile, laugh, cry, vent.

And whatever it means to say I'm sorry, I am. But knowing me, my sarcasm naturally found its way into my initial apology... a genuine apology at that. I guess that made you even more furious cause apparently, you took it offensively. I can't help who I am. I’m sorry if my sense of humor doesn't suit your two cents. I thought you should know that by now and that I won't say sorry unless I truly mean it, esp. if i said it to you cause you tend to make my blood boil the easiest--and what the hell does that mean? well, it means a big deal because i know my tolerance level is pretty damn high. Anyway, i'm tired of being misunderstood by you. I'm just trying to be reasonable here.. and maybe I'm making a fool of myself again cause u'll probably take this as another offense... but i'm telling you again, this time.. with no sarcastic remarks and of no teeth... I'm sorry.

If you can't take that, then I don't know if i should even try anymore. Goodnite.