Words

Somethings on this blog perhaps shouldn't have been said or shouldn't be kept relevant. Whatever it may be, it is my policy and my belief that the past is my past and that, that has been written, shall not be erased. Whether it be good, bad, or mutual... these are my thoughts, my words.

Live for the moment.

I WANNA GO SEE IT!

Alright.. so apparently i haven't heard much about my art piece that's in the Smithsonian Las Vegas Art Museum so I emailed the lady: here's the response:
__________________________________________________________________

Subject: RE: art quotent
Date: Mon, 20 Dec 2004 09:50:38 -0800
From: "Johnson, Cottie M." Add to Address Book
To: "Amy Chi"


Dude! Your piece was the TALK of the opening! Yes, I sent the piece to Las Vegas and it is on display there right now, in a nice new expensive frame…….apparently at the opening reception your piece made quite a stir and many comments were made regarding it…..and wait until you see the zine it is in…….too cool! Thanks for helping me look good too for putting this all together, your zine is in the mail today. In fact, I’ll send 2……….



Call me if you like,

Cottie Johnson *edit*





-----Original Message-----
From: Amy Chi [mailto:n0rmallystrange@yahoo.com]
Sent: Friday, December 17, 2004 8:43 PM
To: Johnson, Cottie M.
Subject: Re: art quotent



Hi Cottie! This is Amy Chi from Sheldon High. I was wondering if there are any news updates about my art piece "Freedom Dance" that you said was going into the Art Quotient and the Las Vegas Art Museum? Just a thought that reigned my curiousity. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!



Amy Chi

n0rmallystrange@yahoo.com

4 Emerald Creek Court

Sacramento, CA 95824

home: **edit**

cell: **edit**

"Johnson, Cottie M." wrote:

Hey!

Here is the link I spoke of, you piece is supposed to be in it this year!

Yee haw!

Way to go…………ttfn

Cottie Johnson

http://www.artquotient.com/



_____________________________


This is so fucking rad.. i'm SOO EXCITED---my second piece in an Art Museum.. and this one is in a SMITHSONIAN BRANCH! MOother of goodness......

too bad, noone else cares enough to go with me to Vegas. Everyone's busy. Has things to do.... and i'm here, sitting, wishing i can see it.
BOOOOOOOOooooooooo

who's line is it anyway?

"""I woke up this morning feeling like i did that night
I don't want your pity or your damn excuse
don't tell me it was because we were both fucked up
or that you'll take a raincheck
cause you're due to make another stampede.
your scent is still everywhere
in my hair and on my skin
you're lips contaminated mine
and the thought of you is like staples to my brain
maybe if i knew you meant some of it or non at all,
it'd be okay if u were to leave
and tell me u only want to be friends.
but the fact is
you took my silly feelings
and pulled my strings
you left me hanging loose with my foolish naviety
tossed me aside.
stop being such a donkey
and make a stand
just tell me ur actions were selfish and meaningless
just speak the truth
i'll understand
dont spoil the friendship cause it's still preserved in a can
I'm not just one of ur other many puppets
nor ur typical flamboyant grl lookin for leisure
speak and break the silence
its the least you can do
i wont judge u/
after all, you did a good job contaminating everything
i'll understand"""

My Love... you are wonderful!

my brain lesion
of spindled spools
and
thicket thorns

do me a favor and put pressure on my bleeding wounds...

and stain your hands crimson


Let's just say, i wasn't in the best of moods if not in one of the worse with killer pains and suffocating scholastic work.. as one can imagine with sky rocketing stress levels:
___________________________________________________________________________


Maniacal K (8:43:52 PM): seriously though... Kasey = madly in love with Amy

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Auto response from n0rmally strange (8:43:52 PM): do me a favor and put pressure on my bleeding wounds...

and stain your hands crimson

gotta start writing by 10....
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Maniacal K (8:44:05 PM): just thought I'd remind you...
Maniacal K (8:44:08 PM): good night
Maniacal K signed off at 8:44:26 PM.

___________________________________________________________________________

As should I remind you, my dear: I love you... forever MORE, Daniel Kasey Estrada! More than you nor I, or anyone for that matter, can ever imagine. :) A most precious and pecuilar love i cannot distinguish as any familiar type of love... it is a love unfamiliar to words and physical expression. Thanx for making me feel better. I miss youuuuuuuu!! :)

Presenting... Battle Ground 0. A vs. B vs. C!

aznblu3gurl (10:39:15 AM): i'm fine
aznblu3gurl (10:39:36 AM): there is serious drama here
aznblu3gurl (10:39:38 AM): haha
n0rmaLLy Strange (10:43:58 AM): >>?
n0rmaLLy Strange (10:44:01 AM): hhaha.. why
n0rmaLLy Strange (10:44:04 AM): what happened?
aznblu3gurl (10:44:41 AM): the root of the problem started with three guy after one girl
aznblu3gurl (10:44:57 AM): man... you'll love this story
aznblu3gurl (10:45:49 AM): using economical terms: originally company A had a monopoly but company A was not interested
aznblu3gurl (10:46:14 AM): company B and company C formed an oligopoly to force out company A
n0rmaLLy Strange (10:46:15 AM): HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
aznblu3gurl (10:46:39 AM): den the oligapoly became a perfectly competive market
n0rmaLLy Strange (10:46:46 AM): tooo funniiiiieeeeeee
n0rmaLLy Strange (10:46:51 AM): lol!!!
n0rmaLLy Strange (10:46:53 AM): and then waht?
aznblu3gurl (10:47:06 AM): company C was the last to be interested
aznblu3gurl (10:47:13 AM): therefore company C dropped out
aznblu3gurl (10:47:27 AM): therefore it was company B by default
aznblu3gurl (10:47:48 AM): i personally do not like company B
aznblu3gurl (10:48:01 AM): but that's not the problem
aznblu3gurl (10:48:03 AM): so
aznblu3gurl (10:48:29 AM): company B is like a puppy that follows her everywhere
aznblu3gurl (10:49:08 AM): so company B is always at her place
n0rmaLLy Strange (10:49:15 AM): hahaha
n0rmaLLy Strange (10:49:16 AM): yah?
aznblu3gurl (10:49:18 AM): her roomate cant do hw cuz they are always there
n0rmaLLy Strange (10:49:23 AM): what happened to company A?
aznblu3gurl (10:49:38 AM): the oligapoly forced company A out
n0rmaLLy Strange (10:49:44 AM): ooh okay
n0rmaLLy Strange (10:49:58 AM): soo now what/
aznblu3gurl (10:50:00 AM): company B is very stupid b/c he never knows when to leave
n0rmaLLy Strange (10:50:11 AM): lol
aznblu3gurl (10:50:11 AM): so her roomate is pissed off at both of them
aznblu3gurl (10:50:19 AM): i side with the roomate
n0rmaLLy Strange (10:50:23 AM): aaahh
n0rmaLLy Strange (10:50:30 AM): hahaha
aznblu3gurl (10:50:37 AM): the roomate is excommunicating both of them
aznblu3gurl (10:50:49 AM): den comes third party trying to help
aznblu3gurl (10:50:59 AM): third party becomes excommunicated as well
n0rmaLLy Strange (10:51:03 AM): wait. soo this is happening at ur dorm? ur neighbors?
n0rmaLLy Strange (10:51:07 AM): lol!!
n0rmaLLy Strange (10:51:08 AM): hahahaha
aznblu3gurl (10:51:35 AM): the roomate already gave company B a second chance to be smart
aznblu3gurl (10:51:40 AM): unfortunately he aint that bright
n0rmaLLy Strange (10:51:51 AM): haha
aznblu3gurl (10:52:01 AM): therefore, if she ever sees him in her room, she will call the cops
n0rmaLLy Strange (10:52:13 AM): lol
n0rmaLLy Strange (10:52:20 AM): can i put this on my blogspot?
n0rmaLLy Strange (10:52:21 AM): hahaha
aznblu3gurl (10:52:21 AM): so there's the story
n0rmaLLy Strange (10:52:24 AM): this is TOOOO FUNNIE
aznblu3gurl (10:52:29 AM): if you want
n0rmaLLy Strange (10:52:37 AM): lol. awesome.



i thought it was hilarious.. didn't you?! :D

guys are dumb. period.

Itching for leisure... for time... for:

Blisterin winds of dreary winters
forsake me
Oh i've abandon thee too long...

How chance knew i bee comin' back
to thine purest white,
immaculate simplicity.
my heart wishes to speak
with painting strokes and
withered graphites.

if days may show the mercy
i bestow
perhaps
perhaps
far seas may capture
sight
of land...

perhaps
perhaps
may i caress the intangible
restoring passion once again
again
______________________________________________

life's been tough. been busy. been worse. been better. much to leave with this note:

happy holidays everyone! :)

Non Applicable

i haven't posted in ages. sorry.

i'm:
bitter
content
discontent
angry
frustrated
nostalgic
busy
anxious
bestowing mercy

Family and friends are good to me.. maybe too good to me.

blah.
update maybe later.. over break? maybe... maybe..

In the Midst of Invisible... Spatial Existence

In memory of my beloved
darling
stranger
I loved since my first memory
of hearing about your expected presence...
I love you. I love you.
I love you.
I know not anything about you.
Your ephemeral warmth
you took away
I never experienced.

The slience is...
deafening.
Your
invisible
presence
is blinding.

I miss you tho I can't say I know you.
I will find you.
I love you.
love you.
Will ALWAYS love you.
I will not give up.

I will NOT give YOU up. Ever.

Sixteen, Seventeen years passed
not a day goes by without something that reminds me how much i need you
the dusted dairies doth carries many secrets
i dare not devulge in fear that noone understands

i miss you
i miss you
i miss you
wisht it was different
the years of ur absence proves the unknown surreal

perhaps we'd be best friends yet loving quarrel mates
because thats what sisters are
what i can take to mend my heart are the younger ones
tho never a replacement.
i love you all just the same
i miss you
i miss you
i will find you. i will find you.

did you hear me sing to you, dearest Miss Kimberely Chi?
I wish i knew for a fact... I wish i can confirm... but
Happy birthday!
May you rest in the sweetest and purest blossoms of peace... love you always.

i love....a lot of things. but here are jsut a few some things.

**i love my linh! :) HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MISSY! --finally outta the teens. oy.. oy oy. :) THANX for makin' my day.. always. So i just came back from Chilles.. however u spell it.. with linh. I had sUCH a great time just chating and all. What can i say. the birthday grl is AWEEEESOME! and i mean FABULOUS. soo hot, so sexy, so intelligent.. soo everything a friend/person can ask for. lol. HAPPY BIRTHDAY! yay roomie!


** For years... my family has supported me in MOst but not everything i do. I love them a lot although times were and are still rough. Now that I'm moving and going off to college, i find so much more meaning in the little things i would dismiss otherwise in the past. and i'm sorry for not seeing and appreciating it more in the past yrs. My uncles and aunts. Mommy and Daddy. Siblings.. yeah, even the older ones. blaahh. haha.

**I'll miss my little sisters the most. O, my darling little monsters. what or where would i be without you two? Answer? DEAD. Yes... that would be correct and totally honest. Emily and Stephanie. I will die for them in a heartbeat---- no. faster than that. without having to think. I live for them. I LOVE YOU, Emi and Steph!! :* kisses all around. :D they rock my socks like no other~! I'll miss the goodnite kisses, the laughs, the silliness, my first temp bookclubs over break, the cookies, the stupid jokes, and crazy cat fights... and of course the quarrels. I'll be back for those. haha. i will. ;)

**so long! uni is here! here! here! :D sO i guess i wont be updating this a whole lot anymore. o well. days will come.. days will go. but i'll be back. like always. ;)


Sweet dreams!!! night night. sleep tight. dotn forget the night light and don't let the bed bugs (& in the words of the dearest Daniel Kasey Estrada~! :)) "PARALYZE!"

toodly doos. :) happy trails!

i can't sleep

DUDE. I'm cold. My head hurts. My stomach is sore. And yet, I'm not tired. Not enough to sleep. I'm wide awake. UGH. Insomnia... why? why why why. blah.


I want to learn french. Yes, i do.

BLAH BLAH BLAH.

IT'S FIVE IN THE MORNING. EYES WIDE OPEN... 0_0

<>

Another Episode--and more serious stOOf

Goodness sakes... last night I spent 15, if not 20, minutes lying in pain-- So agonizing, so unbearable I almost passed out. I think i did, i'm not sure. The last thing I remember was the blur of red digital numbers flashing 12:43, a loud ring in my ear and blood rushing to my head. Next thing I knew, I awoke again having only been out 2 minutes with the clock reading 12:45.. still in pain. I couldn't move an inch.. couldn't flinch because i would only inflict a sharper pierce to my stomach. Gah. Just when i thought it wasn't going to come back... i've been pain free for two and some months since last and now.. blaaahh and JUST before the start of school. UGH.. well, that... sucks. :P just.. DEAL.

______


Initiative. Responsibility. Honor. vs Silence. Apathy. Decit. Which would you rather be? A recent incident concerning a friend troubles me much for now what defines a friendship is in question. Perhaps I am too harsh. too much of a critic? I know not. But it annoys me, or more so disappoints me to see so many flaws of another that i thought one did not possess. Yes, i understand that flaws are inevitable.. in fact it is a friend's flaws that one learns to accept, love and appreciate that makes a friend that much more adorable, that much more interesting, that much more human worthy to love--however there are categories and separation of acceptable flaws and unacceptable flaws unto which frequency also accounts.
What dissappoints me is not exactly the flaw itself, for humans often slip from time to time, but the redunance of the flaw, which outcome rather inquires one's values and morales.
(to be continued... i feel sick) :[

Something queer just happened...

I was awake at 6 this morning, again... no longer able to sleep. At any rate... after driving my little sisters to school (ages 9 and 13), I came home and while sipping on my ruby red juice went online to check if an earlier course for chem2ah was avaliable

(on the side note: did i tell you how frustrated i was last night because STUPID ppl didn't drop the earlier chem2ah course until AFTER my appointed time to register?? GRRR... so now i have to wait til open hours registration.. which is tomorrow... and hopefully the earlier chem2ah will still be open). Checked my mail... and got off, did chores.. as usual.

Then suddenly, out of the blue... the phone rings. As i hurridly cleansed my soappy hands and dried them on the towel with one more ring til the answering machine picks up... I thought it must be Mar bc supposedly I was going to help her study chem today around noon.

I made my hardy journey meandering around and jumping over my packed boxes, folders, books, papers.. etc ----and with a second left, I juggled the phone in my hands and picked it up just in time.

Unexpectedly, the person on the line turned out to be--instead of Mar-- my principle from high school: Ms. Duncan! :D

How strange?? I thought. Why would she, of all ppl, call me? Was I in trouble? Was she going to revoke my top ten award? Was there trouble from one of my previous instructors??

Or Did she simply called just to say hello? hahaha.. i doubt that very much.

It turns out that a writer from the Sacramento Bee (city newspaper) had asked Ms. Ducan if he can possibly do a story on a recent HS grad that is entering Uni at Davis... and the first person she thought of was me...>>>haha<<<

Ducan wanted to give the writer my contact number but wanted to ask for my permission first--

well... tough luck.

I, of all people, rather not be featured in a public city newspaper that practically everyone in the city reads. >< No, I think not. In this situation where the writer will more than likely ask me about the scholarships/awards I received over the years, family, and friendships--practically a bio of me "in the spotlight" ---ugh.. how... sassy? hahaha.

No. i dont want glory or apraisal nor do i want pity. I hate being attention. Thanx, but maybe in the next lifetime or rather when I REALLY do something great like find a cure for a cancer persay. haha. no thanx.

So i kindly told Ms. Duncan Thanx, but no thank you... and then referred her to my very good buddy Ms. Amanda Cianchetta.

Perhaps she might be interested in being featured in the SacBee. She'd be a great candidate: top ten senior as well, plenty of awards, going to Uni at Davis, community service, etc. You know... someone that fits the typical picture as a star student featured in the Bee that wouldn't mind having her bio in the Bee. She'd be awesome as much as she is in person! :)

_________

There you have it.

I'm ... amused! :D

Schedule Change

So I changed almost my entire schedule for fall quarter:

https://sisweb.ucdavis.edu/owa_service/owa/bwskfshd.P_CrseSchd?start_date_in=10/04/2004

17 units instead of 15:

Honors Chem2a instead of regular (5)
Statistics 13 (4)
Sociology 1 (5)
World Religions (3)

grrrr....

Too funnie.

So I woke up really early this morning after 3 wee hours of sleep... and then

yonseinishida (9:33:10 AM): BLAH...my physics teacher, DR. Smith, posted a comment on the projector saying...PHYSICS IS PHUN!!

GAAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! O man, i laughed so hard it made my tummy ache. how..... GROSS! LOL. TOO FUNNIE.

O how i loathe mr.smith from HS... the ap physics teacher who always say, "physics is PHUN!" goodness. how i DON'T miss that class. PheW! :D too funnie. :)

Joy to the...... _____ (no, not world. moment)

I'm moving. I'm finally MOOVING.

Thrice had my plans for moving my boxes to davis been cancelled or delayed--this i will have no more. The date is set. I'm finally moving. Next week. Friday. Thank goodness.

Lately I've been yearning change and also another feeling i did not expect... something that's off the spectrum. Those that i wanted to see before i go,that i haven't seen, i do not anymore. Not that i wont miss them but because i feel as if the globe has fallen off altas' shoulders. Pitted in a downward spiral into nothingness, time is blacken with a tar so thick it has stopped.

I do not want a frozen dessert now--there is no time (take it any which way).

My heart is telling me to hit the dusty road... let frozen particles stir again... the water is set to boil. Development is on the way. Until traces can be assured again, I do not want to look back. Do you understand this strange sense within nonsense?

_________________________

random: corpus callosum. i like that term. the way it rolls off your tongue. dont you? :]

strength

My awakening is no more than a rebirth of an archtypial, hopefully better, form of the old self. I need more. I need to remember what it is like to have the mind, body, and soul be one... i need to remember how to make fleeting emotions stay. I need to remember what the meaning of commitment and honor means. To remember what it takes to suffice.

what I need to remember is the meaning to it all. So help me please.

I'm determined. Please don't let it slip away.

I WILL. I WILL. I WILL. THE WILL IS MINE.






I WILL.

I WILL.

I WILL.

THE WILL
IS
...
MINE.




believe in me.

No longer hostage

This morning, the north winds blew in for a timely visit. Something that has been forgotten is awaken again as I woke up to the smelt of green grass and the dawning sky.

It is said that where there is an end, there is a beginning; when something died in me a while past, nothing left was born. For the longest time, the vaccuum of existance haunted my soul while the mere crust of my outter physical being continued to be the only existance known to me. Hollowness is the most suffocating state and I've been that for too long.

Today, I will no longer be held hostage to my own master. I will no longer be a slave... a squandering mind. Today, I am my own pheonix--I can only hope my determination and effort will not go to waste. Thank you, whoever whatever thou may be... thank you for this awakening. :)

random

NO.


whatever it is....



NO.


"98% of the teenage population does or has tried
smoking pot. If you're not one of these people,
copy & paste this into your profile."
sooo...



NO.
______________

The Jung Personality Test.

I'm a INFP http://209.15.29.56/myersbriggs/letters.htm

...What are you?
http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes1.htm

Getting boogie with the noogie. No, not nooKie, NOOGIE.

Greetings amor.

Sacramento is strapped to rapid chains of a roller coaster. The Kings are thinking about moving?! And so much is already in motion for change. The city is becoming more city like... there's almost no doubt that Sacramento will soon become a lesser version of New York, New York if this industrial fad keeps up. >< All the more... glOOmier. The only good thing about this is.. well.. nothing. humm.. with the exception of the public transportation (yay). Even still, i think ppl will be too egoistic to trade in their autos and soon.. there'll be too much traffic. Pedestrians, autos and public transportation. >< grrrr.

The Summer Olympics 2004 is here! is here!! Athens, Greece. :) I love the olympics and yet.. i can't believe i missed out on the opening ceremony!! So much excitment... so much.. umm... euphoria. :D I think it's awesome.

I'm having lunch with Mrs. George and Marielle today!! I suspect it to be bitter sweet for both Marielle and I will be leaving on Wednesday. Marielle to college for good and me to Southern California for a week and then when i do come back... I'll be mOOving to Davis. :D did u like how i put the "MOO" in? The college with a dairy farm? LOL. too funnie. At any rate. I'd like to take the time here to say goodbye to everyone that have touched my life in any way shape or form. Thank you for all that u have said, not said, done, not done--good and bad. As always, thank you for being the person you are. I appreciate it. Stranger, foe, friend, acquaintence, passerbyer. :) A new life is ahead of me... and i can't wait. Then again, maybe i can wait. :P

People i need to write, see, call before i move:
-NCSF advisor
-Daniel Kasey Estrada
-Erik Nishida, Seung Pak, the crew
-Mister Trevor Jackson
-Mister Thomas Beghien
-Rachel Agustos! :)
-Jen, Christina Edling, and soo many more.

If i don't call you, call me! ;) on my cell.

Adieu Adieu. A shower of soft kisses delivered e-via you, yes you. YOU O_o

:*


Sealed.

iNcubus is in town today and i cant go. blaaah. maybe next time.. maybe maybe.

---------*SIGH*----------

The shorter post

i know i haven't posting lately... i suppose i loss the energy but more importantly the time.

ucd orientation ended today. i'm glad. it sucked for the most part.

classes registered:
chem2a
statistics13
sociology1
study abroad program info seminar

total of 15 units.

most of the classes were full when i started registering... bllaaaahhhh.

i have nothing more to say.


except that
i'm utterly...




EXHAUSTED. -_-

The little things

Soo... due largely to recent events and media exposure/influence both bad/good.. i've been contemplating a lot about societal visage and image. what works, what doesn't.. so much that i cannot begin to write on the issues that surrounds it.

Some updates:

>>I can't go to the Incubus concert on Aug. 10th. I was soo bummed out.. so sad :(

>>but to make up for that... I'm going on a road trip with my sister and her bf. it'll be interesting because i've never been anywhere further than LA... and i'm going alone, the desolate one of the three..the odd woman out. it's okay. i think i'll enjoy my solitude and my fun :) i can't wait!!

which means..... for those who are leaving soon for Berkeley, AZ and elsewhere: i'd love to meet with you guys one last time before we all disperse to our merry way off to college :P Aug.7-17.. pick a day, time, and place and i'll be there ;) CALL MEEEEEEEE! I MISS YOU ALREADY! :'( (i.e. Nishida! Seung! Shannon! Marielle! everyone everyone everyone.... :P) YOU SUCK... BUT U ROCK MY WORLD ;D )

>>i'll be getting hair cut soon. :P maybe. i dont know. my mom thinks i look horrible. what can i say, I'm LOW maintanence. I hate being sissy/girlie to the point where "omg, i need to get my hair cut today.. or omg, my hair's so dry! or.. OH NO! I HAVE SPLIT ENDS.. it's the end of the worldddddddd or.... I need to go shopping nowwwww... or dude, if you can't wait til i put make up on, then.. forget you!"

HAHAHAHAHA. It always cracks me up. I'm glad i dont wear makeup.. UGH.. do u know what it feels like to have all that stuff practically CAKED onto your face?? UUGH. i'm not a doll thanx. >< And no thanx, i dont need to wear scanky clothes to feel feminine nor do i need all that so i'll have "game" nor do i need to worry about my appearance to the point where i'm obsessed with clothes and such materialistic things. I mean, come on. :P (more on this later.. i have soo much to bash about the hollywood fads and such... i mean, get a grip! deal with who u are. dont' excessively be the typical 'valley grl'.... )

being yourself and comfortable with low maintenance is all you need.. it's all dope. (om goodness.. soo that's the ghetto-est you'll see me get. DOPE! i haven't used that in suchhhh a lonnggg while! :D )

>> I hate it when ppl smoke.. UGGGHHH, get a life. YOU STINK, YOUR TEETH ARE YELLOW AND GUCKY, YOU'RE WASTING BILLIONS OF MONEY, U'RE PRACTICALLY POISONING URSELF AND MARKING DEATH ON UR FOREHEAD... THE SLOW DEATH THANX. blah. ANDDDDD... YOU'RE CREATING SECOND HAND SMOKE TO THOSE AROUND YOU... ANNDDDD IT'S ENVIRONMENTALLY HARMFUL THANX. >< one of my biggest peeves, not to say that if one smokes, then one is a bad person.. but, you could be better!! :P I've successfully convinced 3 IMPORTANT ppl in my life to stop smoking. sooo.. YOU SHOULD TO! for the sake of ur health if not others. Public smoking i think is the thing i'll hate most about college. ugh, just being on the city college campus and having to walk through FUMES of smoke is utterly GROSS. makes me wanna puke... and my stomach ulcer just kills with the smell. >< GROSS. END OF STORY.

>>Donate blood today or sometime in the near future! You'll feel great because your ONE pint of blood (and you have 5-6 pints in you.. plus your body rejuvinates the pint you lose within hours) has the potential to save THREE lives! It's a great way to give back to your community and more importantly saving lives.
---okay, so that's my 2cent pitch about blood donation. there's so much more to it that's GREAT in all aspects... but yeah.. donate blood ;) which reminds me, it's that time again... i'll be donating blood for the... 4/5th time? yesh yesh. maybe this will make up for some of the bad i've done, esp. with the incident at lollicup. argghh... >< i can never redeem myself.

>>the presidential election ... (enough said) >< our future is GRIM

>>OOKAY, Arnold, you're DUMB. Who has the nerve to say.. "just because both the democrats and republics approved 'MY' state budjet... this means California is getting outta this financial crisis hell hole.. OH, btw, this will also mean THOUSANDS OF JOB LOSSES for state workers"~!! ugh, politicians of the present make me sick. who ever voted for these ppl in office as of now (i.e. BUSH! and... ARNOLD! ... andd.....) should be ashamed. >< what is this world of liberty? coming to??? hahahah.. that's a FUNNY WORLD! DONT YOU AGREE? and PROSPERITY? ... what have the U.S. come to? BLAH.


GOOD DAY TO YOU. smile! :) BLAH.

Bystander's Apathy >< !!!!!

A cloud of confusion, frustration, disappointment, and regret suffocates me. For the many days now since the incident, I have had nothing but guilt clogging my psych... and until today, the aftermath of my nightmare where I abruptly woke with sharp pains in my stomach from stressing my ulcers, I find that my repressions of my doings finally caught up with the stanzas of poetic rinds that I’ve encased myself in to avoid extreme disappointment.

It was... Wednesday July 28th, the afternoon before our final exam in Psychology300. Phil, Seung, and I decided to study at Lollicup once again on Franklin Blvd where we sat at our usual table near the glass panes of entrance door/wall.

While intently and diligently attempting to master the bulleted topics on the Psych study guide, my eyes (as if tracing invisible wisps of thoughts in hope encountering visual cues that may help me remember) fleeted a glance outside the windowpanes. A mad rush of shock and horror stunned my entire body; eyes no longer fleeting are now starring widely at what I think is an accusation of battery and assault! Parked with its tinted back-window facing me, I see the silhouettes of a man furiously beating at whatever was in the back seat of the Lexus… another person perhaps. Other than an escape of an uttered gasp, I froze with horror painted on my visage; Seung, who’d heard me gasp kindly asked what was wrong.. and hesitantly recovering from my freeze response said… “I think someone’s getting beat up…”

A chill of tingling sensation ran down my spine. Not sure what to do, I jumped up out of my seat and started pacing to the door and abruptly paced back to my seat to rethink my next move. My superego shouted for my attention to run out there as quick as I can to see more clearly what was happening, which if it was in fact a crime would be stopped. Contrastingly, my id deafened the understatement of the degree of harm I can do to myself and the risks involved, not to mention the fact that I had not seen anything but a silhouette of one man engaging in delivering pugnacious fist punches to whatever he kept going at in the back seat.

My indecision led to the pronto actualization of my ego: under the mindset of morals and values, I cannot bear to see someone hurt and not do anything about it so I half-convinced myself to walk out there to see what was going on…

As I neared the Lexus, I see a man in his early/mid twenties sitting the passenger seat of the Lexus who saw me coming. The man, another male in his early/mid twenties with a Cubs baseball cap, who threw those aggressive punches now receded out of the back seat of the car, closed the side door, leaned into the open back window of the side door, and spoke to whatever, whoever was in the backseat—the object of his expressed anger—this I can clearly tell and this I know is true for he was not looking at the man in the passenger seat. Both the passenger and the aggressor had their heads and attention turned to the backseat. With the music inside the car at almost full blast, I couldn’t hear what the aggressor was saying but his facial expression made me think twice about walking closer to the Lexus. For a moment, he smurked and sneered and another he let out a half-hearted laugh.

I didn’t know what to think! Perhaps he was horse fighting with a friend in the backseat? Still, I did not see what or who was in the back seat… But if it was a friend who he play-fought with, why were the throws so vehement that the whole Lexus rocked with the motion of his fists???? But if it was truly an aggressive fight with intentional harm, why would the passenger sit so calmly to watch in apathy???

Ugh, I don’t know WHY but I stopped dead in my tracks, paced three steps back where I find Seung walking toward me. I spun around in time to see the aggressor walk to his car, which was facing me (a car that I did not see before because it was parked behind a line of cars perpendicular to myself and it). Since the fists stopped and the aggressor turning on his ignition to get outta there… I thought, “well maybe they were just playing and horsing,” and regretfully walked back into lollicup. Before I sat down, I saw another man, in his mid/early twenties climb into the drivers seat who came from whatever stores where lined on this strip mall ahead of Lollicup who drove away also. Seung and Phil later informed me that before the aggressor left, he did flick off whoever was in the Lexus—this I did not see… and this worried me even more.. then again, maybe it was another playful joke.

BLLAAAHHH. I hate this. I mean, what if someone was hurt? Before they left, Phil and Seung jotted down their license plate numbers…. So we contemplated whether we should call the police to inform them of this incident … another hesitation. But because there were doubts and inconclusive evidence since no one saw if anyone was truly in the back seat, we did not call. ><

I felt so incredibly bad and frustrated!!! I was so concerned and yet I did nothing. Ugh, that ruined my day.. my whole week. Having the randomness of mind, I thought of all the things that could have happened … all the possible scenarios of what really did happen or what can happen… and yet, the cons outweighed the pros. At that point, there was no forgiving in my part.

What if someone got injured? I mean, it isn’t the best part of town… what if this what if that.. what if I had the potential to save someone from harm and missed the chance… I mean, all I had to do was actually WALK UP TO THE CAR and asked if everything was alright, correct? All I had to do was walk… and ask as a friendly bystander. UGGHHH.. I HATE MYSELF. >< I hate myself for being apathetic at that moment in time… completely apathetic? No. but I was apathetic enough to NOT WALK UP TO THE CAR!! That was ALL I HAD TO DO.. and yet I let my devious ID and STUPID IRRATIONALE convince me that it PROBABLY was just another play-fight between ppl who knew each other in which case I had no business with.. UGGGH.. I HATE THIS. I HATE MYSELF.. WHYYYYYY…..

FRUSTRATED. ANGRY. SO INCREDIBLY DISAPPOINTED IN MYSELF. ARRGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



**So this is the result of my doings… a nightmare… that I woke from… about the incident. Forgiveness is not given. From who will I have forgiveness from? Ugh… I disgust myself. ><

i'm so tired :P

So there's a lot that happened in the past two days that's really bothering me.. and i should write about it but as of late, i don't have the time. i'll write maybe later. have to study.. final tomorrow.

here's another mindless quiz tania took and so i took... wt mindless conformity:P

FEBRUARY:
Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract.
Intelligent and
clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy.
Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest
and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves
freedom. Rebellious when
restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and
easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but thoes
not show it. Dislike unnecessary things. Loves
making friends but rarely
shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizing
dreams and hopes. Sharp.
Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the
inside not outside.
Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to
learn to show emotions


What does your birth month say about you?
brought to you by Quizilla

One last thing...

How can i ever forget!!??

The Delta Aquarids Meteor Shower: July 27th-31st
>>>From N. America, look south of the constellation Aquarius

more info: http://skyandtelescope.com/observing/skychart/article_1220_1.asp#

enjoy bc i will!

I miss...

playing the drums~! :( bauta boom bauta bang... *sigh*

Afloat

yay! summer school will be officially over in THREE DAYS! no more english 1c and no more psyc300 at city college. i can't wait to move out to davis in a month! UCDavis is awesome possum :] a small college town, trees, parks, farmer's market, the Mondavi center of arts! and pools. what serenity it will be as long as i make it to be. bleh. :)

i wonder if i'm walking down the right path... my love for art left for the better days of leisure and my curosity for pathology transfixed to an undeclared bio sci major. time will tell. time will tell.

patience.

autumn will come :) i love autumn.

self reminders:
-NCSF advisor letter
-chem/calc.. orientation (3rd-6th)
-health insurance app waiver (1st)
-lunch with linda (30th)
-coffee with jeff (31st/1st/2nd?)
-brian bak from japan! (30th)
-pick up black violin & hundred yrs (30th)
-INCUBUS AUGUST 10TH... :( tickets.. tickets.. tickets if i can afford them! uggghhhh... incubusssssssss
-aug 13-15th: native american powwow!! o'neil park
-Red Cross volunteer (aug.)
-Bloodsource.. donate blood (soon. 7th?)
-Great America? :) all that adrenaline! :D
-State Fair Art Exhibit (aug-sept)
-bills bills bills... verizon (next week)

what am i forgettting?

oo yes

-BREATHE! ;) lol. *sigh*

Tea leaves...
dried
brittle
it's aroma..
awakens me anew
...
o how i love tea... my comfort drink/food. nothing more.. nothing less. plain tea. :]

AUGUST... HERE I COMEEEEEEEE! :)

Quizzes.. the less of my amusements but definately amusing :D

How to make a n0rmallystrange

Ingredients: 5 parts friendliness 1 part ambition 5 parts leadership

Method: Stir together in a glass tumbler with a salted rim. Add a little wisdom if desired!

Username:

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

Element of Wind Part II

kaY8686: ur more free then u think u r
n0rmaLLy Strange: so what is new with u?
kaY8686: accept the fact that u cant change life, but u r free
n0rmaLLy Strange: thank you. i do know that. i tend to stay clear of it tho.
kaY8686: there is freedom in the things we do
kaY8686: we are free
kaY8686: u r free
n0rmaLLy Strange: yes but there are obligations we tether ourselves to
n0rmaLLy Strange: without thinking about it
kaY8686: we arent slaves to our own will
kaY8686: our will is what determines our freedom
kaY8686: if we are our own masters, we are in a sense free
n0rmaLLy Strange: indeed but what we can't go on a rampage
n0rmaLLy Strange: there will be chaos
kaY8686: no there wont
n0rmaLLy Strange: for we need to be considerate of others
kaY8686: don't let society place things on ur head
n0rmaLLy Strange: i know that.
kaY8686: because if we are our own slaves and masters, we know whats right and wrong
n0rmaLLy Strange: i'm talking fundamentally.
kaY8686: im talking realistically
kaY8686:
n0rmaLLy Strange: lol.
n0rmaLLy Strange: i sense that we're on the same page but going a different rates.
kaY8686: look on the bright side
n0rmaLLy Strange: yes. i am the oxymoron.
n0rmaLLy Strange: i do.
n0rmaLLy Strange: i'm more optimisitc than u think
n0rmaLLy Strange: actually.. i believe that i am more optimistic than most ppl
kaY8686: aren't we pridefull
kaY8686: hahah j/k
n0rmaLLy Strange: lol
n0rmaLLy Strange: no.
kaY8686: i said j/K!
n0rmaLLy Strange: i just dont think ppl see me as who i really am.
kaY8686: so ur happy?
n0rmaLLy Strange: no.
n0rmaLLy Strange: i am not happy
n0rmaLLy Strange: nor am i content
n0rmaLLy Strange: i am hopeful
n0rmaLLy Strange: and willful
n0rmaLLy Strange: determined but agitated.
kaY8686: ur hopeful.. therefore ur optomistic?
n0rmaLLy Strange: yes
kaY8686: ....
kaY8686: hope is meaningless
n0rmaLLy Strange: it is meaningful
kaY8686: because those that hope
kaY8686: arent content
kaY8686: if ur content.. u dont need hope
kaY8686: which would make it useless
n0rmaLLy Strange: not necessarily.
kaY8686: ur hopeful.... because ur not content
n0rmaLLy Strange: depends on how u define hope.
kaY8686: hopeful is like, there is a light at the end of this dark and dreerly tunnel
kaY8686: we hope for better days
kaY8686: we hope for happier times
kaY8686: we hope to be content
n0rmaLLy Strange: i said i am not content. therefore not hopeful but when i am content, i need not hope
n0rmaLLy Strange: hope is my drive
n0rmaLLy Strange: at least for the time being
kaY8686: u know what.....
kaY8686: hope!
n0rmaLLy Strange: lol
kaY8686: hope lost meaning
n0rmaLLy Strange: it has not with me
kaY8686: i cant read it correctly anymore
n0rmaLLy Strange: at least not yet
kaY8686: no. i mean grammitically
kaY8686: hahahaha
kaY8686: it lose meaning in the grammatical sense
n0rmaLLy Strange: without my hope i do not live



perhaps this is why they call me a dreamer. a realist but an idealist.
such an oxymoron. i am SUCH a moron. ><

Element of wind... Part I

happiness is a feeling of joy and excitement but what constitutes happiness? is it money? is it love? is it life?

i do not want to be happy for happiness is ephermeral. captivating and succulent but nonetheless deceiving. content is the word. content is what i want to feel.

i finished Snow:] and i apologize in advance that my blog will not be as spectacular as some may have expected. Snow has, however, left me thought-filled. the book is thoughtful.. well planned. disturbing yet serene. it is beautiful. thank you for telling me to read it. :)

may i write more on it later. time will tell as time will tell most things.

**someone once told me i am the element of wind. i must say i agree.. however now, i am nothing but wind.

a rose petal on the ground, i am... the wind has yet to caress me so i can ride weightless with the wind and earth. or is it that i, as wind, have not prompt action? perhaps this will help aid you in what i feel:

kaY8686: both sn's today again? what's wrong?
n0rmaLLy Strange: umm.. nothing is wrronng wrong just feeling bleh
n0rmaLLy Strange: ionno.. a lot of stuff happened lately
n0rmaLLy Strange: but what not
n0rmaLLy Strange: how are u?
n0rmaLLy Strange: :-)
kaY8686: im good!
kaY8686: me and my brother made a lot of progress today
n0rmaLLy Strange: good! been up to naything?
n0rmaLLy Strange: reallie?
n0rmaLLy Strange: on the fone?
kaY8686: uhh ya ok
kaY8686: im at his place again
n0rmaLLy Strange: ? huh?
n0rmaLLy Strange: care to elaborate a littl emore?
kaY8686: not really...
kaY8686: its not important
kaY8686: but ya
kaY8686: me and my brother made a lot of... progress!
kaY8686: and i am happy
kaY8686: unless he is sad again tomrorow
kaY8686: which is his usual trend
kaY8686: but. im hoping
kaY8686: that we can fix this found problem now
n0rmaLLy Strange: :-) that's great to hear
n0rmaLLy Strange: but why will he be sad?
kaY8686: long story
kaY8686: that would involve personal infringement
n0rmaLLy Strange: umm.. okay.
n0rmaLLy Strange: no need then
n0rmaLLy Strange: i'm glad for u
n0rmaLLy Strange: happy for ur brother. good job sung
n0rmaLLy Strange: :-)
kaY8686: i didnt do anything
n0rmaLLy Strange: u made progress
kaY8686: i just talked to him
n0rmaLLy Strange: exactly
n0rmaLLy Strange: good job
kaY8686: and he made his own progress
kaY8686: so.. im going to talk to u
kaY8686: and we can make some progress!
kaY8686: so u can feel good about life
kaY8686: and so u can wake up happy
n0rmaLLy Strange: hahaha
kaY8686: so ms. chi
n0rmaLLy Strange: i dont want to be happy. i just want to be content.
kaY8686: o.. me and my brother called this neutrality
kaY8686: i like content more....
kaY8686: see... i gave up on making him happy
n0rmaLLy Strange: happy carries far more energy and is less likely to linger
kaY8686: i started to make him understand
kaY8686: to understand why he feels the way he does
n0rmaLLy Strange: yeah
kaY8686: which is better
kaY8686: so..
n0rmaLLy Strange: that's my goal. to be content.
kaY8686: i want u to understand
n0rmaLLy Strange: lol.. thanx sung
kaY8686: do u want to be?
kaY8686: do u WANT to be content
kaY8686: think about it
n0rmaLLy Strange: i do. i do. i really do.. however... time will tell
kaY8686: r u making urself feel sad?
n0rmaLLy Strange: i cna't force it.
n0rmaLLy Strange: no.
kaY8686: r u just lonely?
n0rmaLLy Strange: no.
kaY8686: r u overwhelmed?
n0rmaLLy Strange: yes and no.
kaY8686: do u have a vague idea of what it could be?
kaY8686: umm.. does that mean no?
n0rmaLLy Strange: yes
kaY8686: o ok
kaY8686: haha
n0rmaLLy Strange: no.. it means yes
n0rmaLLy Strange: i do have an idea
kaY8686: wait.. what?
kaY8686: oo ok
n0rmaLLy Strange: maybe even a clear idea.
n0rmaLLy Strange: i know what prompt it.
n0rmaLLy Strange: i know why i'm agitated
kaY8686: what? or who?
n0rmaLLy Strange: but i dont know the answer.
kaY8686: is it what someone did?
n0rmaLLy Strange: yes
kaY8686: was it me?!
n0rmaLLy Strange: no
n0rmaLLy Strange: it's more of a family feud/misunderstanding type of thing. more or less cultural clashes and generation differences and gender discrimination
n0rmaLLy Strange: social injustice
n0rmaLLy Strange: there's a war that lies between persons as well as within onself
n0rmaLLy Strange: *oneself
kaY8686: yes there is
n0rmaLLy Strange: that is all i am consumed by.. and yet, i have no answer.
kaY8686: but why r u letting that side that hurts u win?
n0rmaLLy Strange: i dont ever think i will reach an answer.
kaY8686: give the other side some more ammo!
n0rmaLLy Strange: what hurts me? what hurts me not?
n0rmaLLy Strange: i do not know.
n0rmaLLy Strange: all that i do know is i am bombarded with frustration and agitation.
n0rmaLLy Strange: nonetheless, i am calm
n0rmaLLy Strange: but my mind is furiously racing with thoughts
kaY8686: yes
n0rmaLLy Strange: i will be patient
n0rmaLLy Strange: there is nothing i can do.
kaY8686: one day, ur patients will hurt u
kaY8686: why do u have to be patient?
kaY8686: just do somethng
n0rmaLLy Strange: it does not make me content nor will it bring me happiness.
n0rmaLLy Strange: i've done quite a lot.
n0rmaLLy Strange: my actions are quite useless
n0rmaLLy Strange: they are what gets me into more trouble
n0rmaLLy Strange: for i am not the only one in this war
n0rmaLLy Strange: not the only mind that contributes to the battle grounds
n0rmaLLy Strange: i am not a lone star.. but a part of a larger system
n0rmaLLy Strange: a speckle of dust
n0rmaLLy Strange: holding no weight
n0rmaLLy Strange: no ground
n0rmaLLy Strange: i've come to accept my fate. though i do not believe in fate.
n0rmaLLy Strange: i've accepted my status and is beginning to understand that what i do is little and what i do will hurt more than help. i will need to be patient
n0rmaLLy Strange: fire is a dangerous element to play with
n0rmaLLy Strange: i will let time wash it.. the wind to dry it.. and the earth to seed my thoughts into theirs
n0rmaLLy Strange: i can only wait...

There is so much...

I want to say.. so much i want to write but everytime i pick up my pen.. or sit in front of this lonely screen, i can't. my thoughts, gnarled, twisted, intertwined... difficult to sound coherent.

cultural wars
generation clashes
parenting vs achieving independence
gender injustice
double standards
balance between respect and opinonated responses

someone help me.. i think i'm falling apart. :[

Nostalgia

Once again, while clearing out my files... a picture i took as a model for an art project:


Demonic.. don't you think? >< i was so proud of myself. i looked evil!

Passing time

i've successfully inflicted physical fatigue to help drone out some mental agitation... but i'm hardly tired. i'm still awake... poofy eyed, aching, and contemplating. my goal for 1am is useless and irrelevant. here's a random doodle i did, unfinished:


random sketch: child asleep, half self portrait, what should i add? the hand can easily morph into an aligator./... trees?


it's official. i'm sick, too. :'(

imperfection of a perfectionist

ugh, i feel like there are a million ants gnawing away my stomach right now. i hate stomach ulcers.. and i hate feeling like this when i'm anxious or nervous.

why am i even stressing over it? im taking a break from my o so very long research paper for psych even though its due in 3 hrs and counting. >< why am i so worried? a worry bug i am, indeed. i have an a, i dont need to do "well" on this project to get an a, so why am i trucking myself over this? why?

self inflicted whys are of great annoyance now. what to do? what to do?

i'm so indecisive.. sooooooo not cool! a imperfection of a perfectionist. that just kills!!!

am i the only one like this? UGH.. i think this'll make my sickness worse. BLAH.

back to work.

deadlines and cognition filled with snippets of songs

I guess i'm FOUR hours shy of the deadline though I did mean to put this up earlier but:

HAPPY 20TH BDAY, STEVEN!
and
HAPPY 19TH BDAY, TREVOR JACKSON!

:)


speaking of deadlines, i have one in approximately 8 hours.. if that! to complete a psychology research paper on the bi/monocular cues, gestalt principles, and theories on visual perception.. hahahahaha. not going well, i might add. I'm on my third page and i'm still in the intro. heeelllppp ><


WHY? why am i so whiny? :P need to stop being whiny. odd, i'm not whiny in person. Oo, blog. my sacrage/outlet, i thank it. :) blah blah blah.


annnddd i didn't keep to my proposal to sleep by 1am because of obligations.
*sigh* maybe tomorrow. mayBE. maybe... mayyyyybe (enter: tune from a SuperLotto commerial.. HAHAHA, WHAT A NERD).

snap back to reality... (eminem) and there she goes (dancing queen).... back to work. ><

Goal

I think i'll really try to force myself to sleep from now on. my bedtime should be and now will be 1:00am. :) and if I achieve that, maybe i can get it up to 12am or 11pm. :P It's 3:30am... I should start practicing, wish me luck. ><

GOODNIGHt. Swtest dreams!

Skillful Artists

The following are photos of art from the Crocker Art Museum that were not ruin by the camera flash.


"French Doors II" 1966 by Robert Behtle, Oil on Canvas 

>>I absolutely admire the skill involved!


"Portrait of My Father" 1972-1979 by Stephen Kaltenbaer 

>>another skillful artist.

"Human in Nature #11" by Fritz Scholder 1990 Mixed Media on Canvas 


>>one of my ALL TIME favorite pieces of art. ;)

Jutted into replay

this song's been stuck in my head for quite some time now although i have no real affiliation of commisery with it.  lol.  oldies are great though corny! 

Carpenters- Close To You

Why do birds suddenly appearEverytime you are near?
Just like me, they long to be
Close to you.

Why do stars fall down from the sky
Every time you walk by?
Just like me, they long to be
Close to you.

On the day that you were born
The angels got together
And decided to create a dream come true
So they sprinkled moondust in your hair of gold
And starlight in your eyes of blue.

That is why all the girls (boys) in town
Follow you all around.
Just like me, they long to be
Close to you.

On the day that you were born
The angels got together
And decided to create a dream come true
So they sprinkled moondust in your hair of gold
And starlight in your eyes of blue.

That is why all the girls (boys) in town
Follow you all around.

Just like me, they long to be
Close to you.

Just like me (Just like me)
They long to be
Close to you.

Wahhhhhhhhhhh, close to you.
Wahhhhhhhhhhh, close to you.
Hahhhhhhhhhhh, close to you.
Lahhhhhhhhhhh, close to you.

*the remake of this song by Corinne May is soo beautiful.. she has some incredible pipes!

Frustration and Tolerance

Seeing that i went to sleep around 5 and had to wake up at 9am, today is rather restless.  Summer school english1c is a total drag...  and psychology300 is agony.  I can't stand sitting in a classroom only to listen to the same droning voice of my instructor for two whole hours--without a break! 

I went to Walmart today to get my roll of film developed, which consist of pictures of artwork i took at the Crocker Art Museum last Sunday.  Note, i did request the development as a ONE-hour photo.  So there I was, wandering around the same venue for an hour.  How boring can that be, right?  UGH... well, an hour past and I went back to get my photos (yes, i was in a hurry because it was already 4:30pm and i was late for home with tons of hw and projects to do). 

I gave the receipt to the lady (and mind you their customer service lacks heavily) so she can hurrily get my packet and onto my merry way I'll be, correct?  WRONG!  She went into the back office to scavage hunt my order, but she came back empty handed and WITHOUT ANY SIGN OF GUILT said, "I'm sorry, but you'll have to wait ANOTHER hour because we're all backed up and your order got mixed up under another pile"!!! 

at this point, i'm frustrated but i acquiesced because i can understand that sometimes things just are.  An hour later, i return, thinking this time I'll definately be outta there quick as a fly.  NOT!  Another thirty minutes i waited and i'm completely bedazzled by the incompetency of Walmart to serve the mounting number of customers waiting for service.  Although i was FLUSHED with anger, I decided not to express it so readily, seeing most other consumers were extremely agitated and poignant about their delays (mind them, i've been waiting LONGER, THANK YOU! hmph! >P) . 

When i finally did get my pictures, the person serving me actually had the gratitude to say thank you to me for waiting and for being tolerant for, and i quote, "you are the only customer so far who hasn't yelled at me!"  :)  my anger suddenly dissipated and all i had to give was a weary smile as "you're welcome".  *sigh*  i'm glad i am as tolerant as i can be.  ><

haha, and you'd think i'm okay.. but NOOOOO.... after relieving myself of Walmart frustration, I encased myself in self-frustration... for when i reviewed the photos I took, I realized what i horrible photographer I am.  CLUTZY ol' amy forgot to turn of the "flash" when taking the pictures!!  uggh, i'm soooo mad at myself!!!!!!  all my pictures have huge glares in them, deflective of the WONDERous artwork displayed. UGGH.. why am i sooo maddddd?!  ugh.  i wasted 2 1/2 hrs waiting, a roll of film, and 8 dollars that i could've considerably used for gas since i'm PENNILESS now.  ><  i'm soo broke.  i need a job.  uugh.  AAAYYYISH~!  I'M SOO  MAD AT MYSELF!  ARRGH.  RAWR!  blllaaaahhhhhh.. hahahaha.. aweeeee, i hate this.  why can't i be tolerant of myself?

OH, and another thing happened today. After leaving Walmart, I proceeded to drive to my local library to see if the book i requested (SNOW) arrived yet. As i pulled up to a parking space, this guy, shabby lookin starts walking toward my car. I quickly get out and he nearly approaches me... but I'm a fast walker so cut across the grass to reach the doors of the library just in time as he (as so it seems) attempts to cut in front of me. he had the most devilish look on him and it almost scared the wits outta me considering i've encountered a real stalker before. UGH.. maybe i'm just overreacting... paranoid. i'm always paranoid. blah. COME ANY CLOSER AND I'LL KICK SOME BUTTLOCKS ;) .. btw, my request for snow hasn't arrived yet. BLAH.

on a brighter note:
i won 1st place, again, for the california state fair art exhibit competition!  :) im happy.. and actually surprised.  this time it's for the category of acrylic... and this time around, i also received a special award for it toooooo: cultural heritage award.  yayyy for me.  :]  bleh. 

 
another highlight: yay for my brother, he just got a job today and tomorrow is his 20th bday.  haha.  what an old hag.  ><  i'm kidding!!!  he makes me soo angry sometimes---brothers.. so igonorant!  buuutt i still love him.  HAPPY PRE-BIRTHDAY!

Banes of Disappointment

2 almost 3am tuesday morning... I should be asleep, but instead i'm awake with a feverish headache, a precusor to illness maybe?  I sure hope not.  I hate being sick and i rarely do get sick; and when i do, they're usually horrendous.  I can't sleep... suppose i am spellbound to insomnia.  I tried my luck with remedies such as inducing physical fatigue to help but they have no effect. 
 
at any rate, on the topic of expectations: expectations can ruin the day for anyone.  the worse thing anyone can do is rely on expectations one has for another entity because this leaves room for disappointment if expectations are not met.  emphasis and desire for these expectations to be fulfilled only cause a whole slew of muck.  nonchalance for other tasks while one dwells will soon engulf daily cognition and the ability think rationally/open-mindedly.  expectations will carve a wooden doll out of the mind and tether it to disappointment.  obviously, too great of expectations will result in this manner... but why do we have them?
 
diverting to other random thoughts:
it scares me to think i'm squandering time... because time is ephemeral. 
carpe diem!  Seize the day!  --a concept that is rather ambiguous.  don't you think?  depending on your definition on seizure... the phrase is potent to numerous meanings...
aiysh, can i ever finish my thoughts before the missing the subway stop? 
 
change as the only constant in life... soo fragmented, so unorganized, a jigsaw puzzle if u will... i feel extremely random (which is good and bad). 
 
 
no, no conclusion.  this blog is just IS.  :]
 

Dear (___enter name here__)

I'm clearing out my files on the comp.. and i came across something I wrote early April of this yr, which is semi still relevant to today, thought i might post it, unedited:
 
dear friend:
i dont feel the radiant light that warms my soul anymore.. i dont feel a darn thing.  i'm like a plastered screen tv--- there for the command of others to turn me on and turn me off... functioning like another materialistic paraphernalia.  am i worth anything?  the purpose of me to make my own decisions, walk my own life?  NOTHING.  I'm torn between love (not the romantic kind but the passion kind) and life.  Obedience and disobedience.  I see nothing. nothing for the future of me.  no good, no bad.

i need to leave this life of concealled lies and obscured truths.  i need to live i life i think is worth living for me.  living out in the streets... experience the world for myself where the world is absorbing me, i'm absorbing the world.  i need that connection to click with me.. for it to breathe air into my lungs and awaken me once again...

and when i'm finally there... i will cry but it will be, instead of the tears that i've drained for the sake of sorrow, it will be a cry for joy, of enlightenment, of knowledge that perhaps will be little but is still tangible.  i'm like a child whose environment is her mother's womb; i will be shocked and discomforted when i'm brought to the light, to the raw but embossed reality... but in that moment, i will be happy. 

if i died now, i would not feel a thing... i want to see it.. and i want to feel it.  if i died after my enlightenment, i will simle upon my death and welcome my sweet and endless sleep. it will be bitter sweet but more sweet than bitter. 

i know i'm very selfish to think this of myself... and to grieve over my condolences at this point in time.. and i know others are suffering with their problems as much as i am myself.. and perhaps, on a larger scale, their problems are much more pulsating... but i need this for myself because without it, i am not alive.

i am a walking stupor, fallen deep in the sleep that may not be waken even if i was forced to.  i need this time for me.. and to see me again befoer ei can see others.  this is a selfish act.. and i feel awful for being the self absorbed monster i am.  but until i get over myself... i cannot be the funfilled person i need to be.. i still continue to help others but in those moments, am i feeling the fulfillment or necessity to help another?  is it genuine?  i hope it is.. but i wont be sure until i can feel soemthing real.. and this experience i described above that i hope i will achieve.. that will be a feeling of emotion... of raw expererience.  does that make sense to you?

i hope it does and please forgive me while i combust and swallow my own ashes.  until then, i dont think it is fair for those around me to entitle them to aquaint me as a friend, foe, daughter, student, or person. 

please forgive me. 

-me

pensive thought

having the urge to write... something.. i have a billion kazillion thoughts tail chasing in my head.  but im here with nothing.  i'll note and maybe i'll come back to them.  i need to study psych.  huge test tomorrow.  ughhh, disgusting.  it's late... and i'm still up.  should be studying.. STUDY STUDY... FOCUS FOCUS. 
 
note:
 
crocker art museum
-human in nature #11 by Fritz Scholder (mixed media on canvas)
-wolf in studio
-winter's blue cold
>>magnificent artwork!!
>>grouchy receptionist
>>reallie nice security officer
>>lucky "finder's keeper" incident but guilty conscious hence.. charity.  haha. :P
 
movies:
-crucible
>>sucker for tears @ end
>>human nature
-troy
>>want to see
 
reading:
-tony hillerman's dance hall of the dead
>>page turner!
-snow vs. black violin
>>which oneeee??
-the illiad
>>always a pleaser
-ulysseus by balvid or whatever his name is
>>poor translation/summary of the Odeyssey!!!!!!!  >P
 
own art:
-lack of inspiration
-acrylic on masonite maybe...
-start sketchbook again?
 
miscellaneous:
-family vs independence
-nature vs. nurture
-me vs me.
 
>>STARGAZING=A NEED SOMETIME SOON BEFORE I GO INSANE. 
 
 
back to studying.
 
good day/afternoon/evening to you, whoever you are. 
 
 

Is it Indecisiveness? Anxiety? or Apathy?

Life seems to be a complete 180 turn around lately.. maybe I'm thinking too much but maybe I'm not?  Should i do this or should i do that?  Instinct vs. logic but does not logic include instinct?  ><  i'm a tiny spider (ughh.. and i hate spiders... and yes, maybe i do hate myself sometimes) dangling on its thin webby string in a summer storm.. and the wind carries me... succumbs every bit of my lungs, instantaneously expanding my lungs to its fullest capacity perhaps almost suffocating me.. crushing my sinews... and splater what is left of me onto the ground.  I love life because there's so much more to learn but i'M SICK OF life although i have every possible necessity in order to survive.  i have every body part intact and vital organs to serve me the purpose of homeostasis.  I often ponder what life'll be like if i am not the amy chi i've made myself to become today.  what if i was a total definant child whose rage and anger devoured me wholly?  what if i was bashful and completely igonorant (which i am, everyone is)?  what if this, what if that?
 
I know, i've been such a hermit lately.. but i can't help it.  I keep making up excuses for myself and others to not go out, not to talk, not to do anything.  Anxiety swallows my self-confidence and self-conscious thoughts immediately flare into action.  It's not that i'm afraid of meeting new ppl or updating my life with friends.. it's more like a feeling of apathy.  And yes, i've been extremely apathetic lately and it kills me to think i am.  I dont like it and i dont want it.. and yet i am it.  BLAH.  get me outta this nightmare.  What am i doooinng?
 
and yet, i am content.  discontent.  I'M SUCH A CONTRADICTION! 
 
i am content at the moments i feel hermit like bc life is going well, no one bothers me.. no one to intrude my personal bubble.  but i'm discontent because i miss being with my friends.. i miss going out and having fun.. being careless.  and at the same time, i enjoy it.. i'm much more observant.. as i'd like to think i often am.. but a lot more alert.  why>?  why am i doing this to myself?  why can't i be completely content?  why? 
 
 
WHY DO I ALWAYS ASK WHY WHENI DONT HAVE AN ANSWER?  WHY DOES ANYONE?
hahaha.. i'm sooo angry at myself that i'm laaughing soo hard i dont even know what happened to begin with.  why?
 
hahahah..
 
 
gah.  what a gloomy update.  though, in reality, i'm not extremely glum.. i'm not reallie at all. 
 
how odd.
 
btw, reason y i havne't updated in a while = i wanted to keep my entry "Mirage too good to be true" on the blog page bc i reallie liked that entry.  but anyhoo.  the world keeps turning, and i'm stuck with it. 
  
i want to drop summer school entirely and STOP ALL TIME, go on a road trip or something and just READ.... DO THE THINGS I WANT TO DO. 
 
 
MAYBE, i just need to get away from this suburban life.
 
I suddenly have an urge for nature.  i do.  i reallie realie do.  somewhere quite..
 
i know what i want.
 
i want tranquility.  :]

Sports and Stuff

SPorts:

I told myself to take note of this earlier but never did bc of time constraints but has anyone been watching the summer olympic trials for track and field?

YAY for M. Greene!! Men's Track and Field
I can't believe Marion Jones didnt make it in the Women's Track and Field!! That was a shocker.

OOOhhh.. and then to biking:
I CAN'T BELIEVE ARMSTRONG.. :(

awee, what a sports diappointment lately

StuFF:

As soon as i convince my mom, i need to go buy INCUBUS TICKETS! goodness sakes, i need to gooo :) it'll be my first concert ever. it'll be awesome.. but u knoe what?

i'm penniless.. :'( as of now. bleeehhh i guess i'll have to be patient.

Wnat to do list:
-go to a native american powwow (either the one this month or next)
-go to incubus concert
-have summer school be done and over with so i can read MY books
-go to great america or some sort of theme park with ROLLERCoaSters before i start college
-learn how to play chess
and so on


so much to do yet so little time.

:( Insomnia realile SUCKS

I'm so tired of staying up... but i can't sleep. TWO NIGHTS NOW AND NO SLEEP! BLAH. It's sooo frustrating when u want sleep but can't force urself to sleep. I'm restless and tired but not the sleepy tired. I don't know what's wrong with me... reallie... maybe i think to much but thinking keeps u active rite?... eeeHhhh, help.

This is what i should be doing:

Sleep seems so far-fetched... taken in May?
 
so i took a religion test since i was bored and had nothing to do four am in the morning on tickle.com and here's what i got:
 
jade, your belief system is best suited to religions that value open mindedness How do we know? While you were taking this test, we compared your religious beliefs against 10 of the world's most common religions. Your score shows that you share core beliefs with religions that encourage you to find your own spiritual path.You are attracted to a religion that tolerates mixed beliefs about the existence of God and upholds the idea that there is something to be learned from every religion. You are open to a wide variety of religious and spiritual ideas. You are attracted to spiritual groups that are composed of typically open-minded and intellectual people who actively engage in individual exploration of many different spiritual truths.
 
Pretty accurate!  I think religion is almost essential to some and nothing to others and I respect ppl who are, ppl who aren't... but i especially despise ppl that are extremists.  :) 

Our Presidential Doom

While tentively reading the friday sacbee today on the couch,I reverted my attention just in time to catch the NBC news report about the republican and democratic campaigns... might i just say ahead of time that George Bush is a pretentious buffoon who knows not how to differ between a nickel and penny. GET HIM OUT OF OFFICE!

His comments on same sex marriage and his "mission" to set it "right" is absolutely outragous. What kind of human being is to "define marriage"? NO ONE can define love therefore not marriage. Marriage is something beyond just a statement and bond between lovers but an icon that has potential to erraticate bigotry and allow the extent of full and equal rights to all US citizens. It is immorally unjust to ban same sex marriage.. what kind of a liberating nation is this? If marriage should not be a bondage of life between a man and man or woman and woman, what gives heterosexual couples the right to be married? Our simple minded president Bush says he must protect "family values" therefore keep our "traditions" alive. Of what tradition may I ask? WHAT MORE THAN HE WANTS IF LOVE IS IN THE AIR? May not same sex couples live a life like any other couple in this nation?

Aiysh!! I've written on same sex marriage before and i'm not about to regurgitate what I wrote on that blog, so if u'd like to see my argument for same sex marriage, feel free to browse.. otherwise, i'd better stop here before I combust with anger within.

GEORGE BUSH is NOT a leader. and another note, WAT is with his deal and plan of attack for the artic oil reserves? Why don't we ask the gold digging power hungry man we call our President?

HE MAKES ME SOOOO ANGRYYYYYYYYYYYYY.



SUPPORT SAME SEX MARRIAGE! IT'S ONLY MORAL.


Kerry btw, is also a buffoon, however a better choice than our current mr.bush.

nader is too. omgoodness, the future of america is extremely grave. GOD(S)/GODESS(ES) if there is any, help us all. >< BLAH

The Golden Life

Today is a good day. Quick notes and maybe i'll go back to write on them later when i have the time:

-dropped off my state fair art work
-english 1a stuff returned with a big fat A :)
-went to a used book store and got a billion kazillion paperback fiction to readdd YAY!
-saw some really neat art work by a stranger named mr.maz. and he must have been in his 70s/80s!! a beginning artist but a really cool one with a reallie unique style. awesome possum! :) thanx mr. mas!
-I FINALLY went swimming and taught my little sisters the basics.
-Aiysh, need to do my hw. BLAAAHHHH

currently reading:
the crucible (again for eng1c)
dance hall of the dead by tony hillerman (pretty good thus far)

starting:
Bernard Evslin's Ulysses (yay!)
Homer's the Illiad (quadripple yay!)
Mother of Pearl by Melinda Haynes(neat book!)
and
Magister Ludi by Herman Hesse (strange but very much me)

sigh.. today is a good day. could be better.. much better but it is a good day. the life i had today has been good to me. thank goodness. :)



OOOHHH YES,

GO LANCE ARMSTRONG! WHOOOTTTT!!!!!!! ><

summer school

is crap.

haha.

BLAH.

Blog 101... sub: movie reviews?

So Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, the Movie, SUCKS CraPoyLa, thanx. :P New director with a new Dumbledore that will never compare to the old Dumbledore, too many deleted/edited scenes... and if i may say so, anyone who has yet to read the book prior to viewing this grotesque film would never have gotten the plot. Characters during the scene inside the Weeping Willow came off flaky and inferior when they should have been superior. GAH. All in all, it was very much a disappointment to see the BEST book in the series be the WORST movie in the series yet. :P

50 First Dates is an awesome movie... kinda makes me wonder if there IS such a guy out there like Henry (Adam Sandler)... a guy that is so in love he's willing to spend the rest of his life making the grl of his dreams fall in love with him everyday. :) haha. i think only the luckiest women will find "The Guy".



The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath is a superb novel in its own accord. At any rate, Plath is unique as a writer. She's awesome. It's a reflection of herself in the mirror, which talks about her journey through countless meanderings of her mind, her suicidal attempt, and her encounters spent within a psychiatric asylum for most of her adult life. I think I like this book only because I see myself as her shadow.

Yeah, the highlighted extents of my very boring life after HS include reading, sketching, and watching movies...
(I'm so glad i'm done :) yay!)

sleep

Tyme to sleep.. it's almost 4am... have to wake at 7. TRUE LOVE CAFE BABY!

Cure of Insomnia: Gone Quizilla Crazy

FIRST try i got this:

Faerie:
Faeries are sweet loving beings who love to help
people. They are not held back by reality and
love to dream and fly around. You probably are
very creative and although not the most popular
person in the world you are probably loved by
many for your sweet caring personality.


What Mythological Creature Are You (Many Results and Beautiful Pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

SECOND round i'm:

Griffin:
Griffins are gorgeous creatures with the head of an
eagle and the body of a lion. You are smart
and can think on your feet. You also can be a
bit of an airhead and may be called a ditz by
others. You are not dtupid, but in fact, very
intelligent. You are also eager to help others
and are usually docile and submissive. But if
someone offends you you do bite back.


What Mythological Creature Are You (Many Results and Beautiful Pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

Eh, correct except for the video games i think... eH, it's 1/2 correct.

A GAME-BOY. Youre like a tomboy without the love of
sports. Reality sucks, but as long as you have
your electronics you feel you can cope. Time
goes unnoticed when youre locked in your room
hooked up to your Nintendo, rocking to your
favourite collection of guitar-driven
albums.

Your virtues: Intelligence, sense-of-humour,
individuality.

Your flaws: Inability to cope with real life,
action-freak spirit, reclusive nature.



Your Personality type is the only type that would
like this cool online gothic Game:

www.life-blood.vze.com


What kind of girl are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

HAHAH.. TOO FUNNIE

You're GI Joe with the Kung Fu Grip!! You're
strong, tough, and know how to kick some ass.
Don't forget though, no matter how manly you
think you are, you're still just a doll. God
Bless America.


What childhood toy from the 80s are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

yay! minus the mommy part

My inner child is six years old!

Look what I can do! I can walk, I can run, I can
read! I like to do stuff, and there's a whole
big world out there to do it in. Just so long
as I can take my blankie and my Mommy and my
three best friends with me, of course.


How Old is Your Inner Child?
brought to you by Quizilla

yes

Your: Wondering eyes. Your not quite focused and
your quite the day dreamer. Your a bit odd and
as many say "Your head is in the
clouds."


What type of eyes do you have?
brought to you by Quizilla

wow. reallie? me? emo? eh, i suppose.

Emo! You're very in touch with your emotions and
that's what I like about you! It's all about
the music for you... I have pity for your
tortured soul...you're just like me...


What genre of rock are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

HUM

Ghost or spirit: You are a lost soul. Very calm and
sweet, you are often the one who asks: What if?
With a clever mind, you want to explore the
world on a different level. Without the
answers, you aren't ready to move on. You are
most likely very creative and find yourself
thinking things through on a different level.
(please rate my quiz)


**Where will you go when you die?**(now with pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

:)

You belong in the world of leaves and trees, where
the wilderness can claim your soul. Somewhere
like a jungle or a thick wooded forest would be
your world. Intensely in tune with nature, you
feel the world belongs to the natural ways that
once ruled the planet. Be yourself, and
everything will work out. Don't let the grind
of the city destroy your free-as-a-bird nature.


Where do you belong?(ANIME IMAGES)
brought to you by Quizilla

hahahaha.. maybe i was

Utinam barbari spatium proprium tuum invadant!
"May barbarians invade your personal
space!"
You are highly confrontational and possibly in a
bad mood. You would have sworn in this quiz,
if I had made it an option.


Which Weird Latin Phrase Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

hahahahahahaaha. i'm having too much fun with these quizzes

Ballet shoes- beautiful, graceful, and creative,
you enjoy dancing writing and music. You are
often very poetic and sometimes dramatic. You
keep to yourself aside from a few close friends
that you can relate to. [please vote! thank
you! :)]


What Kind of Shoe Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

yummy!!

You're Skittles!!! You have a very interesting
personality, you're so unique. You're the kind
of person who always thinks outside of the box.
You're also a very accepting individual, and
believe in inner beauty.


Which kind of candy are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

so i'm a storm wreck

You're Elemant is Wind. You're light-hearted,
care-free, kind, sensative, and mysterious. You
have friends and most absolutely love you. You
can be calm and soothing one minute and ragging
in anger the next so no one wants to get on
your bad side. You're beauty is inspiring and
magical.


What's Your Element(girls)? (PICTURES)
brought to you by Quizilla

hahaha.. apathy. i suppose so, at least when i was taking the quiz! HAHAHA

Apathy, well I can say your lucky, in some ways.
You see Apathy is no emotion, basically you
don't care. But that does not make you a bad
person. Some of my friends are apathetic and I
love them, but it wouldn't hurt to care a
little more. Trust me life hurts, most people
who are apathetic do it cause they were hurt.
But don't worry, life is pain, its also
pleasure. Good luck. (please vote)


What Emotion Dominates you?
brought to you by Quizilla

SO TRUE! LMAO

schizotypal


Which Personality Disorder Do You Have?
brought to you by Quizilla

TO DO List?

o yess... dont' you like my new background? Instead of pokka dots on white, it's pokka dots on MIDNIGHT BLUE... INDIGO BLUE! ;) I enjoy it much better. It adds more flavor.

Things i need to do this summer

GO to a native american powwow
Learn how to knit (check)
Learn how to play chess
GO SEE INCUBUS AND THE VINES! (Aug 10th! working on it)
GO SEE HARRY POTTER AND THE PRISONER OF AZKABAN! ( :( still waiting for my little sisters to get outta school)
Read like a maniac (MUAahahahaha)
-The Bell Jar
-Angels and Demons
-Others
Run (getting there)
Stars for Alicia (done!)
Go Star Gazing! (if i can find a night when the moonlight won't cause light pollution)
Paint/Sketch like a megalomania (starting up again)
Visit TRUE LOVE CAFE on J St with my sketch book (OO, i think i'm doing that tomorrow! :) sweeettt)

Insomnia once again

I'm too paranoid to sleep because of recurring nightmares.. different every night but constant.... and i'm sick of them. I can't sleep and I can't stay awake neither so I'm a walking zombie if you will... drifting between shadows, in back alleys, and goodness knows where. GAH...

No one is online to talk to and those who are are busy with their own lives.

Today... no, yesterday... no.. today, i started to sketch again. What started as a simple still-life of my little sister sleeping transformed into a distorted and surrealistic composition of myself included. I would have posted it here but my scanner fails me. o well, maybe some other time. It feels so great to be able to sketch freely again.

I think it's after watching Frida that inspired me to be myself again. Watch it if u haven't yet.. but be advise... it's rated R for sexuality and curse words. That movie was spectacular!! so disturbing yet so beautiful... all the lust, treachery, betrayal, loyalty, passion, love, anger, fear, happiness... superfluous emotions all captured and depicted in their own glory. I think in order to appreciate the film, one must look beyond it to understand it. It's sooo ingenius i can't even start to explain the extent of it. :)

On another note, phil and i have been writing to seung who's having such a great time in Korea! :) I'm soo happy for him. Anyhoo, phil started to come up with a name for the three of us with "Chi-Unit".. LOL. Well, i thought it was genius bc it cracks me up everytime but it didnt really include all of us. SOOOOOO, having the spare time i have, i came up with CPR.. (Chi, Pak, and Ramos) HAHAHAHA.. LMAO. .. get it?! hahahahahaahahaha. good job me. well, at the least, i like it. i think it's hilarious ;D dont' you? :) yes, geeky and nerdy but hey! we're all science majors! LMAO.

oo, another movie i saw is WIN A DATE WITH TAD HAMILTON (and i've been seeing a lot since i got a blockbuster summer pass now... keehehehehe. swt!). let me just tell u how sweeet that movie is (and this is coming from ME! AMY CHI who RARELY likes the mushy gooshy romance stoof) yesh yesh, it's a chik flik but at any rate, it had a swt ending... the movie itself was alrite... i guess the fact it came out to be a semi-bearable film for romance when i had reallie low expectations for it is the reason why i liked it. bleh.

what else... wat else. eh, i dont knoe. wen i come up with something, i'll let me, myself and i (that's you)... know. WOW. i'm talking to myself. how pathetic! HAHAHAHAHA. after all... i am

>.<

N0RMALLYSTRANGE :)

Fact

Did you know....

The average woman consumes 6 POUNDS of her LIPSTICK in a lifetime?!?!?!

Real Fact #53 from Snapple.com

GROOSSSS! hahaa... good thing i don't wear make up. uugh... >.<

Deja vu

I think i'm about to puke...

:(

damn ulcers... rawrgh :P

My Dearest Cousin Mimi

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOUUUUUU....
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU...
(CHA CHA CHA)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR

MIMI!!!!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOUUUUUU!

:) I love you and miss you muCho. Best of wishes and luck and may today be sweeter than sweetest for u. :*

Passion

i feel like painting. oooOo.. on concrete! or wood. or sand paper. Oh, i just have this idea....


back to work.


i love acrylic.... which reminds me.... UNIVERSITY ARTS OVER SUMMER + TRUE LOVE CAFE AFTER.. sweeeettttt ;)

Recent Books

I started to read The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath...
and only 10 pages into it, I'm already loving it.

Gah, what a beautiful book.

READ IT! :)

Comment bOx Enabled? WhA? \:.

Try "Too Many Things to Carry" ;)

So I finally figured out, also, how to enable "Comments" on this blog. How sweet. As if anyone ever reads and respond to them anyway. Bleh. TOODLES NOODLES.

Chelsa, Brian, Nikki, Rhi.. another snr ball pix. Dont they look hot? ooo. too hot to touch. haha.

Yeah... snr ball was a bit unneccessary

Learning how to post pictures.. HAHA

Yay, I finally learned how to post pictures on my blog.. HAHA, can ya tell i'm bored since school's been out?! >.< Why else would I have figured it out? :) I MISS RHINANNON... AND MY ART PPL. I LOVEEEE UUUU!

Snr Ball.. the Moment we both said "The Hell with It"

Senior Ball. Myself and Annee!

I think this is my favorite picture thus far. Taken right after dinner when we both decided to toss all our baggages aside and just let loose and be carefree. :D I miss her... thanx for sticking with me that nite! *muAh* CCHHEESE~!